The perfect woman according to Lt. Dan.

Notes

1. When I say curvy, I mean a) I can’t see your ribs, and b) pardon my vulgarity, but nice hoo hahs. The requirement is not “huge”; the requirement is present. And before any women reading this get all indignant, ask yourself if you’d date a guy without any muscles, or chin, or car. That’s right.
2. Being short isn’t a requirement, just an added bonus.
3. Psycho is just a catch-call term I use to describe the common female psychosis of saying one thing and meaning another. For example, the whole saying “I’m not mad” when she is in fact mad, and then getting mad at you for not figuring out that she really was mad in the first place. It’s present in all women, but there’s an acceptable threshold, above which women are considered “psycho”.
4. By “shit”, I mean she enjoys any of the following: The Gap, Shania Twain, American Idol, Fifty Cent, Celine Dion, Wal-Mart, King of Queens, Republicans, White Chicks (the movie, not the demographic).