Buried under a fucking snowbank, that's where

Spring has sprung
grass has ris
I wonder where
the birdies is?

Dear rotation + trajectory of earth: we would like spring now please. Kthxbye.

.:.

The second-quickest way to invite my scorn? Be a telemarketer and call at dinner time. The quickest way to invite my scorn? Be a telemarketer, call at dinner and try to sell me a subscription to the Toronto Sun. For bonus scorn, argue with me when I say no.

.:.

The new Silver Mt. Zion (etc., etc.) album garnered an A- from the Onion AV Club. I haven’t had a chance to listen to it yet, but I just assume I’ll love it. Maybe I’ll take the same approach that I did with Horses In The Sky: buy it, put it on my Zen, forget about it, and then nearly have a stroke six months later when I hear a song like “Teddy Roosevelt’s Guns” for the first time.

.:.

One of these arrived in the mail last week. I bought this one from Threadless last week. Now I’m tempted to buy this. I need help.

[tags]ogden nash, telemarketers, toronto sun, silver mt zion, threadless, tshirts[/tags]

What, no genocide? Howzabout some prison torture?

I picked up our Hot Docs tickets today. After our abridged outing last year we got a full slate (five films) this time around:

So, to recap: terrorism, bleak antarctic landscapes, serial killing, a plane crash & ensuing cannibalism, and we wrap up with violently dysfunctional children. It’s the feel-good film festival of the year!

.:.

I know a few people who should have a Death Star grill. Like, uh, me.

.:.

As if I needed them, the Cameron’s Brewing Co. blog lists 8 healthy reasons to drink beer. Granted, this is not unlike McDonald’s telling you why it’s healthy to eat a Big Mac, but I choose to ignore this particular equivalence. [via]

.:.

Today my Google News page showed me something odd. It was an eCanadaNow (whatever that is) story about internet stalkers, but it was the picture that caught my eye. Here’s a screen grab:

Ummm…unless I’m mistaken, that’s Ellen Page in Hard Candy (imdb). And yes, in that film, Page does play someone who’s stalked online, but…well, clearly the real-life scenario does not play out like the film. Also, why wouldn’t this site indicate that they’d lifted a scene from a fictional film to use in their news story? Weird.

[tags]hot docs, death star grill, cameron’s brewing, beer, google news, internet stalking, ellen page, hard candy, ecanadanow[/tags]

I Will Not Sing A Hateful Song

Spring has a downside, one that sometimes makes me want to vom. Smokers, on the whole, are disgusting assholes.

.:.

Dinner last night at Tutti Matti was pretty good. I had a caprese salad* and the grilled swordfish and a dessert called the Gino, a semifreddo covered in chocolate sauce. Damn.

Nice atmosphere, good service, and we all enjoyed our meals. Fieramosca is the undoubted comfort zone for us in terms of Italian food, but Tutti Matti may now be a good alternative, a more “downtown” option if needed.

* It’s hard to believe, sometimes, how much my tastes have changed over the past few years. Not long ago the idea of eating a giant pile of buffalo mozzarella and tomato covered in olive oil would have turned my stomach.

.:.

Last night Montreal beat Boston for the eighth straight time this season, and eleventh straight overall going back into last season. They won in the shootout, which was the best possible scenario: Montreal stays where they are (tops in the east!) and Boston earns a point to stay ahead of the chasing teams like Toronto. There’re two reasons why this is good for the Habs; if Boston holds on to the 8th (or even 7th) spot, there’s a good chance Montreal will play them in the first round and…well, eight in a row. The Canadiens have owned the Bruins this year.

The other reason why a Boston point last night was beneficial: it makes it harder for the Leafs fans to hold on to their mass delusion of making the playoffs. With eight games left they’re four points out of the final playoff spot, and they’d have to leapfrog four teams to get there, but the delusion lives on. Rather than shutting down their veterans, letting their young players get some much-needed development and securing a spot in the lottery, they’re playing themselves into a lower draft pick.

But hey, if they want to keep it up, that’s cool. I kind of hope they win both games against the Bruins (the team they’re chasing) this week and get their hopes up even higher, so that when Montreal plays them next Saturday, I can watch live as the Canadiens crush their playoff dreams once and for all.

Wait a second…goddammit, I won’t be able to watch that live after all. Stupid climate change…must you ruin everything?

.:.

My buddy Joe sent me the new Constantines album yesterday. I’m only a few songs in but I already love it.  “Million Star Hotel” in particular is brilliant. The last two ‘tines albums were amazing and under-appreciated; if you like the rock and roll, do yourself a favour and check them out.

[tags]smokers, tutti matti, fieramosca, montreal canadiens, boston bruins, toronto maple leafs, nhl playoffs, earth hour, constantines[/tags]

12 days 'til Spring, my ass

Another day, another snowstorm. How typical.

Actually, this one caused some consternation as my brother et al were scheduled to fly back to Halifax this evening. They ended up going to the airport a little early in the hopes of getting an earlier flight, and were able to do so. The early flight ended up leaving nearly an hour behind schedule, but that’s about all you can expect on a day like this, and there’s no reason to think their original flight wouldn’t have been similarly affected.

I’m glad they got away successfully. It was a nice visit, I’d hate for it to have been ruined by problematic weather.

.:.

I can’t believe I have to set the clocks ahead tonight. Ridiculous. Thanks, Dubya. Swell idea.

[tags]toronto snowstorm, pearson travel, halifax flight, daylight savings[/tags]

I'm sure this is somehow Jean Chretien's fault

There is no doubt in my mind that ePass, the Government of Canada’s online services website, is the worst online application ever constructed. I am willing to bet that it cost millions of dollars to build and has never once been glanced at by anyone with even a passing interest in usability. I am by any measure a very proficient online user, but this web site simply confounds me with its dysfunction. On top of all the circular navigation and absurdly verbose pages, I cannot sign in because, even answering half a dozen security questions, I have to wait for a piece of paper to show up in the mail with an access code. Only then can I sign in, and change my address, so that I may NetFile my taxes.

So fuck you, ePass. You are the most ridiculous waste of my tax dollars that ever there was.

[tags]epass, netfile[/tags]

A confederacy of dunces

Had dinner and a quick drink with CBGB last night at Volo. I needed to unwind after a long week at work (which isn’t done yet…see below) and a quiet, snowy evening with some friends and tasty beer was a proper way to do it.

.:.

Before I sacrifice what’s left of this weekend on the altar of work and the MBA, I thought I’d throw up a couple of thoughts. It may be the last you hear from me for a few days.

  • This just in: Toronto city councilor Rob Ford is a screaming idiot. Not just for this latest nonsense, which shows that his approach to debate is roughly that of a six year old. The man is in the hall of fame for terrible elected officials. It’s embarrassing to live in a city where people continually vote for him.
  • Holy crap…my Canadiens are leading their division! Meanwhile, here in the land of altered reality, people are still talking about the Leafs making the playoffs.
  • I find this map of religious majorities in America very interesting. Anyone know of a Canadian version? [via Richard Florida]
  • I’d used Bloomex a few times for flower delivery and thought they were ok, but they messed up my most recent order — and the customer service followup — something fierce. Luckily Nellie’s an understanding wife who doesn’t demand flowers on/near Valentine’s Day, and so she just laughed it off. I won’t bother going through all the details; I’ll just leave it at this: do not, under any circumstances, use Bloomex. The service they gave me was truly one of the worst customer experiences of my life, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It didn’t cause me harm or anguish or anything…it was just staggeringly, monumentally incompetent. Avoid them at all costs. Warn your friends.

.:.

Guns scare me. Texas has adopted the “castle doctrine,” which means you’re now justified in shooting someone if you feel threatened in your home; there’s no longer much expectation that you take reasonable measures to avoid the threat. You can just shoot it. Some have gone vigilante and extended this to their neighbourhood, like this guy who shot two men in the back because they robbed the house next door, despite the imminent arrival of police and the pleas of a 911 dispatcher.

Militarism scares me. When the Chief of Defence Staff says democratic debate on Canada’s involvement in Afghanistan is emboldening the terrorists to attack our troops, it reeks of the same low scare tactics we’ve heard from the United States in recent years. As POGGE put it when this story came out last week, “I think we’ve just been told to shut up and salute.”

American military integration scares me. While a recent deal struck between Canada and the US is intended to let troops from either country cross the border in case of a civil emergency, the potential ramifications of misuse are staggering. There was also no debate on the topic — the deal was signed a week before the story broke — which strikes me as unusual and troubling. This could be a very big help in an actual emergency, or a very ugly tool used for political/military purposes.

[tags]bar volo, rob ford, montreal canadiens, toronto maple leafs, bloomex, castle doctrine, joe horn, rick hillier, american military integration[/tags]

Custer's last stand? That was an ice cream shop down the street.

I’m so wiped right now that my brain has nearly shut off, making this Washington Times op-ed piece by Susan Jacoby particularly relevant:

“The mind of this country, taught to aim at low objects, eats upon itself.” Ralph Waldo Emerson offered that observation in 1837, but his words echo with painful prescience in today’s very different United States. Americans are in serious intellectual trouble — in danger of losing our hard-won cultural capital to a virulent mixture of anti-intellectualism, anti-rationalism and low expectations.

Jacoby’s new book, on this topic, was also covered in the New York Times recently:

Ms. Jacoby, whose book came out on Tuesday, doesn’t zero in on a particular technology or emotion, but rather on what she feels is a generalized hostility to knowledge. She is well aware that some may tag her a crank. “I expect to get bashed,” said Ms. Jacoby, 62, either as an older person who upbraids the young for plummeting standards and values, or as a secularist whose defense of scientific rationalism is a way to disparage religion.

That Times article also contains a hilarious and horrifying account of what prompted her to write the book:

The author of seven other books, she was a fellow at the library when she first got the idea for this book back in 2001, on 9/11. Walking home to her Upper East Side apartment, she said, overwhelmed and confused, she stopped at a bar. As she sipped her bloody mary, she quietly listened to two men, neatly dressed in suits. For a second she thought they were going to compare that day’s horrifying attack to the Japanese bombing in 1941 that blew America into World War II:

“This is just like Pearl Harbor,” one of the men said.

The other asked, “What is Pearl Harbor?”

“That was when the Vietnamese dropped bombs in a harbor, and it started the Vietnam War,” the first man replied.

At that moment, Ms. Jacoby said, “I decided to write this book.”

Oh dear.

In the Post op-ed Jacoby lists the three influences she feels contribute to the dumbing of her country:

[T]he triumph of video culture over print culture (and by video, I mean every form of digital media, as well as older electronic ones); a disjunction between Americans’ rising level of formal education and their shaky grasp of basic geography, science and history; and the fusion of anti-rationalism with anti-intellectualism.

I agree (enthusiastically) with her on the last two, but I’m unconvinced of the first. Changing the media and method by which we take in information certainly changes how we learn, but I don’t know if that means we learn less. Learning certainly becomes different. Does switching from print to video mean trading concentration for multi-tasking? Maybe. Does it make you dumber, on average? I doubt it.

I’ve always considered the shift away from books a symptom, not a cause; the dumber you are, the less likely you are to read. Maybe it’s chicken-and-egg, or maybe I’ve read it wrong. In any case, even if it’s as Jacoby says it is, this point is less troubling to me than the anti-rationalism / anti-intellectualism point she makes, largely because it’s (as she mentions in the Post) it’s become a major factor in politics.

And with that, I’m off to read a few hundred news snippets and watch some podcasts.

[tags]susan jacoby, dumbing of america[/tags]

I think the $117 would've been better spent on an hour of therapy

From the “I’m glad it wasn’t my country” file:

Who got the money and why? It went to help pay a psychic who performed a ghost exorcism in one of the units. The occupants of the home reported hearing banging noises and seeing objects flying across the room by themselves, and told officials on Easington Council in Durham County, England they believed their apartment was haunted.

[via CityNews]

.:.

Torontoist makes a very good point today that I should’ve made yesterday: while the national news media makes fun of Toronto’s weather spazztasm, the local media leads the hand-wringing.

.:.

Big night for my teams. Montreal snapped a 3-game losing skid by scoring late to tie the game and then winning in overtime, while the Raptors beat Vince Carter and the Nets like a red-headed stepchild…a game T-Bone was lucky enough to see live. The Duke Blue Devils even beat Maryland tonight, which I kinda half care about.

[tags]haunted apartment, torontoist, toronto media, snow, canadiens, raptors, vince carter, duke blue devils[/tags]

"I can't keep doing this on my own with these…people."

Nellie and I went to see two movies in a row today:

I had incredibly high expectations for There Will Be Blood (imdb | rotten tomatoes), but it still paid off. I think as the film sinks in over the next few days I’ll get even more from it, but even at first glance it’s huge and chilling and epic and staggering. Daniel Day-Lewis, once again, proves himself a mad genius. At no time in any of his movies do I think of him in any of his other roles. Paul Dano and the other actors kept up, but Day-Lewis was on the screen for virtually every second of the film and swept it along. You may not like this movie, but if you can’t recognize it for the classic piece of filmmaking that it is, maybe you should stick to reality TV.

Cloverfield (imdb | rotten tomatoes) was a completely different animal: a beastie-thriller, but done with a little more flair than we’ve come to expect. The handicam viewpoint was a useful little device, and kept the film from lapsing into the usual cliches (hey look, a spunky scientist finds a way to save the day!), focusing instead on showing the mass confusion of such an event. A pretty decent escapist flick. Oh, and Jessica Lucas: girlfriend du jour.

.:.

Absurdity piled on absurdity: the FCC is going to fine ABC $1.4 million because they showed buttocks on the air. Five years ago.

[tags]there will be blood, cloverfield, jessica lucas, fcc, nypd blue[/tags]

"Such a beer does not exist, sir."

Links of the day:

  • One more reason to love Nicholas Hoare: this sign in their door. If you like books at all and live in Toronto (or Ottawa or Montreal), I suggest you visit. It’s like God’s living room.
  • Much like a special candy-covered doughnut that Homer Simpson asked for, Dunkin’ Donuts is introducing an M&M-covered doughnut. I anxiously await the arrival of Skittlebrau.

.:.

You know who I find annoying? Not specific people (’cause you wouldn’t know them), but types of people who exhibit like behaviour? Well, let me tell you:

  1. Smokers. No offense to any smokers who may be reading this, but you’re assholes. All of you.  You’re not assholes because you stink or because you slowly kill yourself or because you look ridiculous; that’s your choice. No, you’re assholes because you blow smoke in my face as you walk down the street in front of me, and because you throw thousands of butts on the ground every year as if the world is your personal fucking ashtray.
  2. The tragic and desperate souls who drive down Yonge Street (or any other busy street) with the windows down and the mondo-nuclear-subwoofer bass on 11. It fills my heart with sadness that your need for attention is so bottomless and unfulfilled that you’re forced to spend thousands of dollars on a stereo for no other purpose than to get strangers to turn their heads in your direction for maybe two seconds.
  3. People who play politics in the workplace. Office politics is the last refuge of the dull and incompetent. I don’t mind smart, capable people who understand politics, but when you make a career solely out of figuring out how to cover your ass next week, you’ll have to admit to yourself that you’ll never get another ounce of respect from anyone other than fellow political weasels. The rest of us see right through you, and know that you’ll get yours in the end.
  4. Pedestrians/shoppers/drivers who have no idea what’s going on around them. We’ve all seen them. The person who stands on the escalator in just the exact spot that makes it impossible to pass them. The friends ambling down the sidewalk side-by-side so that no one can pass in either direction. The driver who tries to turn on a red light, unaware that they’ve blocked pedestrians trying to cross. Sometimes I think this is rudeness, but more often than not I think it’s just that people are oblivious. They can’t process two thoughts at once. It doesn’t occur to them that at least one other of the 6.2 billion of us could be on the same escalator, the same sidewalk, the same street. How do these people not get eaten by wolves or accidentally drink PineSol?
  5. People who answer their phones during a movie. Phones ringing in a theatre don’t bug me; it doesn’t happen often and when it does it’s usually just forgetfulness, and the culprit is almost always apologetic. But occasionally you get some asshat who lets it ring a few times while he digs it out, lets it ring again while he checks the caller ID, and then answers the frigging thing. I once threw a handful of M&Ms at a kid who answered his phone, thinking he was a badass. Struck by candy, he turned around to find an audience whispering threats and plotting his death. He hung up.

Whew, that felt good. I’m not sure what possessed me to write that; I had a pretty good day. My cold is nearly gone, I got a lot done at work, I’m watchin’ hockey, I’m planning trips and visits…all is well, more or less. Maybe I just felt like making a list.

[tags]nicholas hoare, dunkin’ donuts, skittlebrau, smokers, office politics[/tags]