Category: Humour

A big steel decoration

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

The good news: we picked up our barbeque today.

The bad news: our natural gas connection doesn’t seem to be working.

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CBGB came over this morning for brunch. There was much sitting on the balcony. Then there was gelato. Then there was an overwhelming desire to nap, followed by work and some painting. Truly, a red-letter day.

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We watched Nacho Libre (imdb | rotten tomatoes) yesterday. A few funny bits early on, but overall pretty disappointing. I expected more from Jack Black and the director of Napoleon Dynamite. One interesting thing: the female lead, Ana de la Reguera, looked like someone had spliced Winona Ryder together with Penelope Cruz.

[tags]natural gas barbeque, gelato, nacho libre[/tags]

McLovin

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It’s a good thing I was super-productive for the early part of this day ’cause around 2:00 I got one badass mofo headache. I assume it’s because of the cold I’m still trying to fight through, but man…it took somethin’ out of me. I managed to do about two more hours of good work, but then it got even worse so I left for home. Now that I have some Advil in me and I can look in the general direction daylight again, I should be able to get some studying and some heavy thinking done tonight.

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I won some tickets today for Severance (imdb | rotten tomatoes), which, according to the TIFF website, is a cross between The Office and Deliverance. I wanted to see it at last year’s festival, but the timing didn’t work out; I guess I’ll still get a sneek preview. Thanks for the tickets, Eye Weekly.

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I cannot wait for August 17th. Why? Because that’s the day Superbad comes out. Watch the trailer. I will watch anything that has Michael Cera and Seth Rogen in it.*

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Also funny: this Dr. Tran clip that my brother sent me. I almost broke my damn elbow falling off my chair. If you have 7 minutes to spare (and are not easily shocked by cartoon violence), watch this one too.

OK, on a serious note…WHY in the Sam Hill has no one told me about Dr. Tran before?

[tags]headache, severance, eye weekly, superbad, michael cera, seth rogen, dr. tran, lonesausage[/tags]

* Except porn, should any exist.

Foiled

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At the last minute I had to cancel our plans to meet up with friends in Niagara On The Lake this weekend. This cold just isn’t going anywhere, and over the course of the day my voice has completely disappeared. I felt ridiculous leaving voicemails for people, sounding like a just-pubescent kid drawing his last breath.

I’ve never before taken a double-dose of neo-citran before going to sleep; I fear tonight it may be necessary.

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Happy birthday, Star Wars. I was one year old when you were released, but I came to love you as I grew up. A little too much, maybe.

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Speaking of my childhood obsessions, Chuck Klosterman writes about a Rush song that, 27 years later, shows how badly the mystique of radio has faded.

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The Globe and Mail harrumphs all over the lolcat meme.

[tags]niagara on the lake, sick, star wars, chuck klosterman, rush, globe and mail, lolcat[/tags]

Who's ready to speak ill of the dead? :D

Dan Dickinson5 Comments

I don’t understand how one human head can produce so much snot. Incroyable.

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Link dump:

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We watched a documentary called The Bridge (imdb | rotten tomatoes) a few days ago. I’ve wanted to see it since I first saw the trailer last fall, and it was very good. Unsettling subject matter, obviously — the Golden Gate Bridge is the world’s #1 suicide site — but it was very well done and not sensational.

[tags]snot, bill maher, jerry falwell, maple sap, veronica mars, the bridge[/tags]

Water, water everywhere, but trust me, you do not want to drink it

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On sunny & windy days, this is a pretty typical view: beaucoup de sailboats. More pics over at flickr.

.:.

Enough already with the whining about gas prices. Seriously. It’s cheaper than milk. It’s cheaper than orange juice, Coke or cough syrup. It’s cheaper than bottled water. And yet, there are people like this:

“It’s always like this,” Harris said as she filled her SUV at the Esso station at Lake Shore Blvd. E. and Leslie St. “They spike it up on weekends. They spike it up on the long weekend. They always have an excuse. It’s refinery problems, or it’s terrorism in the Middle East, or hurricanes. Oil is down, so there’s no reason for high prices.”

First of all, you drive an SUV, there’s no reason for you to complain about high gas prices either. If you can afford a gas guzzler, you can’t be strapped for cash.

Second…the same free market economy that made you wealthy enough to buy an SUV is what makes gas prices go up and down according to demand. Of course they’re out to charge you as much as they can; why wouldn’t they? YOU KEEP PAYING IT!!

And please, no excuses about “I need my car to get to work.” Buy a smaller car. Take public transit. Bike. Walk. Car pool. Choose to live closer to work in the first place. If you can’t (or won’t) do any of those things, then by all means, produce the contract you signed when you bought your car stating that gas prices would never, ever go up. Don’t have one? Then buy some oil company stock to offset the losses that you’ve chosen to inflict on yourself.

Side note: it’s interesting to watch the Toronto Star cover stories like this. On one hand, the Star wants to stick to big business and take the side of the poor consumer, but on the other hand they want to be the environmental advocate (ironic, considering they’re a newspaper) so they come across as conflicted in these cases.

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As much as I despised Jerry Falwell, and as cold an emotionless as I can be sometimes, and as much as I think it’s hilarious, I simply cannot bring myself to buy this shirt.

[note: if you don’t get the punchline, read this.]

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A week-old post on Torontoist that I didn’t look at until just now has some great concert footage of the Arcade Fire. The scene in the middle of the clip is the best one; my favourite part is how Richard Reed Parry replicates a snare drum sound.

[tags]toronto, lake ontario, sailboats, spire condominium, gas prices, toronto star, jerry falwell, torontoist, arcade fire[/tags]

"If I wasn't a transvestite terrorist, would you marry me?"

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

The three funniest things I read yesterday:

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AOL picks the top 25 sports movies of all time. Apparently AOL knows nothing about the genre; no way does Bull Durham (or any other sports movie) beat Hoosiers, no way does White Men Can Jump beat When We Were Kings, no way does Friday Night Lights finish 25th, and no way does Eight Men Out get left off the list entirely.

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Breakfast On Pluto (imdb | rotten tomatoes) has been sitting next to our TV for six weeks. We just never got around to watching it, until earlier this week. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t that good either. Cillian Murphy was excellent playing Patrick “Kitten” Braden, but mainly I hovered between dislike and disinterest for the film. I’m glad we didn’t waste a TIFF pick on it a couple of years ago.

[tags]scott adams, ahnuld, lolcat, cheezburger, sports movies, breakfast on pluto, cillian murphy[/tags]

They look so innocent

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

As the reality that we’re moving in six weeks (!) sets in, I’ve begun thinking about what I’ll miss in this neighbourhood.

  • The Varsity theatre Hands down the best theatre in the city. Big, comfortable, great sound, good selection (not as indie as the Cumberland, not as mainstream as the Silver Cities), super-close and hardly any kids. The lack of good theatres downtown will make this loss even more painful. link
  • Fieramosca Obviously our favourite neighbourhood-y place. They know us there, and give us shit when we let 2 months go by without visiting. We’ll have to make special trips up here just to see them…and to have the delicious food, of course. link
  • M0851 The best clothing store around, on a quiet little street off the Bloor strip. Simple, well-made, understated clothing that I won’t see on GAP-clones. link
  • Whole Foods I don’t shop there for the organic produce (well, except for raspberries). I shop there for the ready-made salads, the corn-bread that’s almost as good as my mom’s, the Green & Black’s chocolate and the delicious little pakoras. link
  • Roy’s Square Jammed into this little alley around Yonge & Bloor are three of my favourite take-out restaurants — the Salad House, the Biryani House and Ritz Caribbean — as well as my main dry cleaner (shirts only; my suits go to Dove) and a whole bunch of other restaurants and shops that I don’t visit. link
  • The Dessert Lady The cappucino cinammon cookies, the espresso brownie bites, the pies, the mousse, the truffles…actually, yeah, it’s probably better than I move away from this one. link
  • Summerhill Granted, it’s not technically in my neighbourhood, but it’s a 20-minute stroll (or 1.5 subway stops) north and once I’m living south of here it won’t really make sense to pop up there like I can now. But between the ginormous LCBO, the Rebel House, and stores like All The Best Fine Foods, I might just spend the odd Saturday up there.
  • Hot Docs Again, this festival mainly takes place a few subway stops away from the neighbourhood — around Bloor & Bathurst — but since we have no intention of not participating, we’ll miss being able to zip home from a late-night screening in 5 minutes. link
  • Nick & Ralph These two funny old European men cut my hair and keep me entertained for half an hour every month or so. I’ll miss Nick teasing me about being some freak Maritimer who doesn’t like fish. link
  • Drunk guys stumbling out of the Brass Rail at 2AM Just kidding. I will miss them like I miss plantar warts. link

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While perusing Ron Shevlin’s blog this morning I clicked on this link, and proceeded to laugh my ass off. Jessica Hagy draws little graphs and Venn diagrams about life; it sounds weird, but they really are hilarious little bits of life. One of my favourites is on the right.

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Die Hard reference of the day: there’s a band called Nakatomi Plaza. I haven’t even heard their music, but I’m fairly certain they’re the best band ever to pick up instruments. You don’t pick a name like that unless you own.

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The Onion’s AV Club lists some of the more interesting movies coming out this year, and it looks to be a good’un. New work from David Fincher, Quentin Tarantino, the Cohn Brothers, Paul Thomas Anderson, Ridley Scott, Wes Anderson, Noah Baumbach, Francis Ford Coppola, Kimberly Peirce, Michel Gondry, Neil Jordan, David Cronenberg, Ang Lee, Danny Boyle, Robert Zemeckis and Steven Soderbergh (even if it is Ocean’s Thirteen) make 2007 look pretty promising. Plus, as they say, Spider-Man 3 and the Simpsons movie.

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By the way, I just remembered that the title to my post where I talked about Me And You And Everyone We Know should have been “)) <> ((“. If you’ve seen the film you’ll understand why.

[tags]yonge and bloor, ron shevlin, indexed, jessica hagy, die hard, nakatomi plaza, onion av club, 2007 films, spider-man 3, simpsons movie[/tags]