Ow, my sense of cultural snobbery

From Macleans:

The Ottawa Citizen reports that, as of Sept. 1, the CRTC has given the networks carte blanche to run as many commercials as they want—a major change from the old regime, which capped the amount of time that could be devoted to ads at fifteen minutes per hour.

You can’t really fault the CRTC for this, in my opinion. The networks have probably been wailing and gnashing their teeth for years about wanting more ad revenue, and I’m not sure it’s in the CRTC’s mandate to say no. The interesting part is how TV networks (here and in the US) are reacting to competitive threats, and what it’s going to mean for TV viewers.

Let’s think through the scenarios. Today, from a critical perspective, the original programming airing on cable is orders of magnitude better than what’s on network TV…smarter, funnier, more culturally relevant and disproportionately (in terms of shows produced and certainly audience ratings). The network shows that do seem to aim higher suffer from poor ratings and the constant threat of cancellation. It’s reached the point that (as the same Macleans writer mentioned a few weeks ago) Emmy producers have openly admitted that they’re annoyed at having to spend time celebrating shows chosen for excellence rather than popularity.

Why does this matter?

Well, one of the first things any marketing or strategy student will learn in business school is Michael Porter’s Five Forces model. The basic idea is that any industry has five primary forces weighing on it: bargaining power of suppliers, bargaining power of customers, the threat of new entrants to the industry, the threat of substitute products and competitive rivalry within the industry. As these forces increase an industry becomes less attractive to those trying to make a buck inside it. This is not a complex model and is really just a starting point of analysis, but it’ll suit our purposes.

The TV industry in recent years has certainly been getting more pressure, mainly from two places: substitutes and new entrants. Substitutes are numerous, but the internet has been the most significant. Not only does it take eyeballs away from the TV, but it represents an unusual substitute in that it lets you watch TV’s content, but in a way that doesn’t contribute to their established revenue stream. New entrants have been a serious problem as well. It was one thing that the cable networks were showing documentary content and HBO was the only other original programming they faced, but the success of HBO shows — especially The Sopranos — changed that. Suddenly HBO was a powerhouse, and hit shows started coming from the likes Showtime, F/X and more. Even AMC produced a hit with Mad Men.

So what does an industry do when faced with pressure like this? They have, as far as I can see, two options.

First, their lobby group will ask the regulatory agencies — the CRTC, in this case — to lift bans on how much ad time they can run in a show, so they can shore up their own ad revenues. This is a limited solution, though; networks know they’re trying viewer patience with too many ads. It’s worth noting as well that it’s not just networks doing this: I’m pretty sure HBO has never made an episode of Entourage that ran more than 21 minutes. In any case, DVRs are killing this revenue stream slowly but surely. Product placement is the only place left to go for the networks.

Second, the individual companies will try to beat each other into submission, which is healthy. They’re pretty good at this, but a few years ago CBS hit paydirt with a hail mary tactic — Reality TV — and turned itself from a dog into a star. Soon every other network followed suit. However, in so doing the industry has, in my opinion, put itself into a massively divergent path from what regulatory bodies probably hope for. I think they’ve spurred the move toward official two-tier television.

We’re already well on our way, of course. Year after year critically acclaimed shows air on cable, while networks air theirs for a season or two and then let them die. Network execs want shows that have a good bottom line. Two keys there: lots of ad revenue and low production costs. That spells reality TV…absolutely loaded with product placement, cost virtually nothing to produce and can be churned out season after season with no time off needed for writing. So how do you maximize your audience for reality TV shows?

“Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.”  -H.L. Mencken

Ya go lowbrow, that’s how. Witness More To Love. Google it, I can’t even bother to link to it. Between shows like that, or Married By America, or Flavor Of Love we’re coasting toward Mike Judge’s vision of America’s top TV show being Ow, My Balls! wherein the stars just get hit in the nuts over and over again. Sound ridiculous? Sure it does, but remember…Jackass. Even cable channels like A&E or TLC, not long ago, would show thoughtful programming. Now A&E is the perpetual Intervention network and TLC long ago gave itself over to nonstop House Porn.

This is, of course, no different than any other form of entertainment. Most music is radio filler; only a small percentage of what’s produced today will be remembered ten years five years 9 months from now. Movie theatres are packed for the same easy shit every weekend, but few of those movies are considered art. More than half of all paperback books sold each year are romance novels. In each of these cases there’s no real divide between what I’ll call the ‘junk’ and the ‘art’. Typically the more adventurous product is turned out by smaller labels/studios/publishers, but that’s transparent to the customer. Books cost what books cost, as do CDs or iTunes downloads, as do movie tickets. Some subtle demand-based pricing notwithstanding, you don’t pay more to see No Country For Old Men than you do to see Meet The Spartans, just as you don’t pay more for a paperback copy of A Moveable Feast than you do for a copy of The Celestine Prophecy.

And that’s the key difference we could see now: network TV — traditionally considered free, notwithstanding cable or dish provider fees — is moving steadily toward a schedule full of moronic programming rife with product placement. Meanwhile, the only channels producing shows that can be classified as art will cost dramatically more. Infinitely more, if you really do have free network TV today. So the customer wouldn’t just be paying for premium content. They’d have to pay if they’d like to watch television that doesn’t insult their intelligence. For something as heavily regulated as television (when regulation implies/compels some level of interest in the public good) to allow those kinds of tiers would be odd, to say the least.

If the FCC were to drop the distinction between network and cable TV, the situation might reverse itself. Assuming they don’t, though, networks have huge operations to fund and will be forced to keep putting profitable programming on the air. And you know what that means.

Watch your balls, everybody.

Coke vs. Pepsi

Several years ago I watched an episode of Real Time with Bill Maher which featured among its guests Michael Moore, Ralph Nader and former Canadian prime minister Kim Campbell. In that episode Maher and Moore pleaded (literally) with Nader to not run in 2004 and dilute the Democratic vote, as he had in 2000.

I don’t know if it was intentional that they had Campbell on, or if she just happened to be hanging around the studio that day, but she brought some Canadian perspective to the discussion, specifically the benefits of having more than two parties.

American politics are so radically polarized that nuance and reasonable compromise seem hopelessly outdated concepts. There are two parties: Democrats and Republicans. You vote for one or the other. You believe one or the other, regardless of what they’re saying or doing. Many times even your preferred news network favours one or the other.

Based on my observations, rational political discourse in the US is all but vanished. Sound argument is a waste of time. Neither party spends time saying what they think is right; what’s important is contradicting the other guy. Politician A can spend his whole career saying the sky is blue; if their opponent politician B suddenly says the sky is blue (no doubt claiming some sort of unique insight for being able to make such a determination), politician A will surely claim the sky is red.

To wit: Cash for Clunkers. In case you don’t know, Cash for Clunkers is an American program offering consumers rebates on new cars when they trade in a much older model. Essentially it’s an economic stimulus program which benefits troubled American car manufacturers and helps the environment (to a limited degree, anyway) by taking inefficient cars off the road. Now have a look at my last sentence, and the three key points therein: 1) economic stimulus; 2) supports big American business; and 3) benefits environment. Now, while this is a Democratic initiative, 2 of those 3 key points are the bread and butter of Republicans and fiscal conservatives everywhere. For the most part they don’t care about reducing carbon — or, at least, their talking points tell them not to care — but that form of economic stimulus is essentially a tax break for consumers and a free revenue boost to automakers, and Republicans love them some tax breaks. Unless it’s Democrats who suggest them.

To wit: this clip from The Daily Show. Watch from about 1:10, where news networks explain how well the Cash for Clunkers program has worked to date. Note the reaction from Fox News and house Republicans. All of a sudden the idea of tax breaks seem like anathema.

Rather than go on with more examples I’ll just quote a comment left on this Economist graphic:

The commenter’s name, by the way, is “The Other Guy” so five’ll get you ten this guy keeps a copy of Unsafe At Any Speed on his bedside table.

“American politics of Coke-vs.-Pepsi has been throwing off the stale stench of disfunction [sic] for quite some time. Dem-Rep bifurcation is slow, superficial, and has been predictably producing less than adequate results, and that’s a charitable phrasing.

A third party, even or perhaps preferably a small yet significant one, needs to step forward to inject a degree of instability.”

Now, I’m not suggesting the Canadian political system is perfect by any means, and certainly having too many political parties can have some frustrating side effects (constant minority governments, the Bloc Quebecois, etc.) but I’d have to think it’s healthier than the slapfight happening south of the border. Politics is a huge, hairy topic, far too complex to boil down to a binary choice between 0 and 1, let alone to declare that 0 or 1 is the only answer you will give for the rest of your life.

In closing, let me just say: Coke sucks, and you should never ever drink it.

Somebody should explain that her award is not made out of flatbread

For the first time since I started eating meat again last winter I actually feel glad to no longer be vegetarian.

Why?

Well, each year PETA holds a contest asking people to select, from a list, the sexiest male and female vegetarians. In the past they have managed to pick actual hot people like, say, Kristen Bell. I was fine with that. I approved of the taste (zoinks!) of my fellow vegetarians.

This year, however, they picked this fucking idiot:

Yup, Kellie Pickler herself. I have to tell you, I’m not wild about the idea of being associated with people who would think that someone so spectacularly dumb could pass for sexy, let alone sexiest. So for now I’m gonna go stand over here next to these guys holding the pork chops.

"I have that effect on people."

Two more movies down as of yesterday:

In Search Of A Midnight Kiss (imdb | rotten tomatoes) showed, in the vein of Once, that romance/comedies can actually be good. Better yet, they don’t even need a big budget. A guy, a girl, an impending deadline and some untimely photoshop skills give you all the story you need. That, and a clever script.

10 Items Or Less (imdb | rotten tomatoes) landed pretty squarely in the “meh” category. It was cute (not really a big plus for me), and pretty funny in parts, but it’ll leave my brain the second I stop typing this. If the two leads had been anyone except Morgan Freeman and Paz Vega this movie probably would’ve been unbearable.

zoneofpvr

"I have just met you, and I love you."

Well, I’ve had an enjoyable forty-ish hours. It started Friday night when we walked down to Front Street to see this year’s criterium. I have no real interest in cycling, but it’s fun to watch racing on a downtown street. Plus, it gave me a chance to test out our new camera: a Canon SX10 IS. We used to have an S3 but sold it when Nellie got her Nikon SLR. I still have a little Canon S230, which is fine for carrying around in my pocket if we’re out with friends, but it turns out there was too big a gap between that and the D40. This SX10 feels familiar (it’s basically just the update of the S3 we had before), is a pretty good mix of convenience and quality, and the 20x zoom will come in handy. For example:

These guys were way down Front Street when I took that. Anyway, we couldn’t stay long as we had dinner reservations at Canoe with Nellie’s mom, so home we went to get all gussied up. Canoe was magnificent, as one would expect, and lives so comfortably in their place atop the Toronto restaurant pile (according to Toronto Life, anyway). Nellie and her mom started with the chevre with rosemary brioche, I had the prawn & asparagus chowder with tarragon butter, and we shared a bottle of 2007 Fielding viognier. For our mains I had the caribou (which was amazing), Nellie and her mom had the prime ribeye and we took a 2006 a bottle of Domaine Gardies Mas Les Cabes. No dessert, just dessert wine for Nellie and I and a glass of white for her mom. Oh, and at some point the afore-mentioned mom took off her shoes and went for a stroll through the restaurant. Don’t ask.

The next day, after dropping Nellie’s mom off at the airport we went to see Up (imdb | rotten tomatoes) at Yonge & Dundas. I’m not a big animation fan, and while I did like the last two Pixar releases (Ratatouille and wall-e) I didn’t bother to see them in the theatre. However, a screaming 98% on Rotten Tomatoes and a lot of advance critical praise made this one my top movie theatre priority this weekend. And it was good. Really, really good. It was sweet, funny, entertaining and (of course) spectacularly animated. Fun story, too, like Raiders Of The Lost Ark if Indy were an octagenarian. In the end I think it might have actually been a mistake to see it in the theatre, since the kid and mother behind me who talked often — and loudly — occasionally “pulled me” out of the film. But I’m still glad I saw it yesterday.

The movies weren’t done there. We freed up a little more room on the PVR by watching Gus Van Sant’s Paranoid Park (imdb | rotten tomatoes), which I kind of liked (bizarre mismatched music notwithstanding) but I felt it would have made a better short film than feature. There were so many repeated scenes and long tracking shots that nine minutes likely would’ve done it.

We also finally got around to watching the pilot of Glee (fox | onion a.v. club), which I found fairly funny, but if the singing keeps up like this I may struggle to keep watching. I can only take so much Amy Winehouse and Journey. While we watched that a killer rainstorm passed over Toronto, followed quickly by a brilliant rainbow (and another faint cousin):

Also, at some point this weekend I finished reading The Blind Side (amazon) by Michael Lewis. Only about a quarter of the book was what I expected it to be — an historic and financial look at the left tackle position in football. Instead it focused on a kid named Michael Oher, and told a very engaging story about his life. There is, in fact, a movie being adapted from it but with Sandra Bullock cast as one of the leads I don’t hold out much hope for it not sucking.

With that book done I’ve taken the advice given to me over the years by several friends, including those who’d just finished with my copy, and begun reading The Long Walk To Freedom.

Unfortunately it’s a bit too chilly out today to enjoy the sun the way we’d like, but that gives us a good excuse to tackle yet another chunk of the PVR’s hard drive.

Garbage in, garbage ou…uh, actually, I guess in this case garbage stays.

Not long ago, on the way home from work my Zen randomly played “Eat Junk Become Junk” by Six By Seven. While I listened I studied the subway ad in front of me. It was an ad for an MTV reality show. I couldn’t help but make the connection.

“Eat junk become junk” is just another way of saying “you are what you eat”, something we’ve all heard since we were kids. No one really doubts that the badness of what we eat affects our overall health. It’s not the sole determining factor, obviously, but it does matter. Doctors, medical studies, common sense…they all tell us so.

So why doesn’t the adage apply to music? Why not books? Why not movies or television? Aren’t the worst of these just empty calories, the Twinkies and triple-bacon cheeseburgers of culture? Aren’t people just jamming the same crap into a different orifice? I would think we would consider these toxic materials as harmful to the mind as we consider toxic food harmful to the body.

And yet, we hear people describe the benefit of vanilla TV (Two and a Half Men, anyone?) being that they don’t have to think, they can just have a laugh. They describe “beach books” the same way…something you just read but don’t have to think about. Worse yet, “reality tv” deliberately misleads viewers, making them think these shows are actually happening unscripted, trying to warp the viewer’s idea of reality rather than try to find entertaining reality to film. Music so banal and oversampled there’s no shred of musical innovation or feeling left at the heart of it. Movies slapped together to lampoon scene after 30-second scene of fleeting pop-cultural references funny mainly, and especially, to those whose news-gathering begins and ends with TMZ. At best these are vapid space-fillers; at worst, mind-numbing distortions. Alone they do not make you stupid. But they certainly lean that way.

Let me preempt the usual cry: that I’m arguing against fun. That’s a weak case, unless you would suggest “fun” can only equal “stupid”. Millions of things are fun, and funny without being weakly, patronizingly so.

Let’s maybe try showing this graphically. FlowingData recently posted a chart titled “Music that makes you dumb” courtesy of a CalTech grad student. It doesn’t show that listening to crap music makes you dumber. It just shows that people who listen to music like Lil’ Wayne, Carrie Underwood and Taking Back Sunday do worse on their SATs than those who listen to stuff like Radiohead, Bob Dylan and Beethoven.

Look, I’m not saying people should stop watching American Idol or listening to Nickelback any more than I’m saying they should avoid eating at Carl’s Jr. three times a day. I’m just saying that everyone knows they shouldn’t eat at Carl’s Jr. three times a day. For some reason they just haven’t figured out that it’s harmful to put other kinds of junk in their bodies too.

"Then Serenity Ends."

According to the Onion AV Club, NBC has moved Kings to the dreaded Saturday night time slot. While timeslots matter less than they used to in the Tivo era, I would have to think this signals the end of the series. At least the rest of the season will air, or so says TOAVC.

I didn’t think Kings was a great show, but I think it had great ingredients (Ian McShane foremost among them, but also the politics, Brian Cox in a secret trapdoor room, the sheer awesomeness of Dylan Baker and Eamonn Walker, and the Shakesperean comic relief duo) and it was certainly better than most network TV shows.

Too bad, though, I enjoyed having Swearengen-lite on TV. Somebody needs to get McShane in a room with David Mamet. I don’t care if it’s about copper mining or oral hygiene, just make it happen.

In which Dan (officially) starts to lose it

Habs won woo. Duke and Memphis lost, so my bracket’s dead, long live Nellie’s bracket.

Slaughterhouse-Five is done. Next up: Rohinton Mistry’s A Fine Balance, since it’s been on my shelf for, oh, nine years.

Life my be a carnival, but work is a circus. (Workus!) Exercise and proper nutrition have taken a back seat (for example: I would punch a nun right now for a Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich), as has coherent thought and interestingness.

BSG is over, but Kings has started. Not a fair trade, but it has King Swearengen, so that’s something.

This day’s gone on too long. This’d better be the best 5 hours of sleep ever.

There must be some kind of way out of here

Spoiler alert: I shall herein be talking about last night’s series finale of Battlestar Galactica. Look upon me, ye laggards, and despair.

Oh, don’t worry, I won’t give away details. I’ll just say that I didn’t think much of it. The big mystical destiny bits seemed forced, if they were resolved at all. The action was ok, but…did we even see five seconds of Viper dogfights? C’mon. The ending…meh.

I don’t know, maybe I’ve just been spoiled by the near-perfect finale of The Shield, but this epic ending left me feeling pretty underwhelmed, especially considering some of the fantastic seasons finales the show managed over the years.

I think I’ll go watch the miniseries again.