I’m having trouble finding motivation. Work is depressing right now; it’s one roadblock after another, and I’m not famous for my patience. I really believe in what I’m doing, and — as haughty/martyrish as this sounds — I feel like I’m one of the few people who’s more concerned with making the customer’s life better than with playing politics or just punching the clock. I guess everything happens slowly in huge traditional risk-averse companies, and being aware of the fact doesn’t make it any less frustrating. I’m trying to find a way around it, but it feels like every day I go to work, scramble to keep up with all the things coming at me, and when I go home I haven’t made a difference. I keep pushing, and there are good people around me pushing too, but feeling outnumbered at work every day is a hard way to live life.

.:.

Life at home isn’t really a respite these days either. I’m on autopilot right now; between trying to run 5 times a week (2-3 miles at a go) and spending 3 hours a night working on this term paper, I feel like I’m on a schedule from the minute I get home. I see my wife for the few minutes that I eat dinner and when we crawl into bed. Good thing this paper’s due in two weeks; after that we can settle into the happy insanity of the film festival. It’s some of the best quality time I get to spend with her all year, ’cause for those 10 days we’re a) on exactly the same schedule, and b) spending hours in line with nothing to do but talk. I think I look forward to that as much as the films. There’s an inspirational quote in there somewhere: “Lineups are better when you love the person you’re standing next to.” Awwwwwwwwwwww.

[tags]motivation[/tags]