Dear Rogers & Bell: collectively, I wonder if you would be so kind as to please eat a dick.

Here is what I’ve had to deal with today, in ascending order of shittiness:

• your websites: impenetrable, convoluted, error-ridden and (in Rogers’ case) excruciatingly slow
• your customer service: uninformed, ill-equipped and speaking into what I can only assume were tin cans tied to strings, based on the sound quality of the call
• your hold music: Michael Bolton? Really?

In closing, fuck all y’all. Happy Easter.