Here’s an email I got this afternoon:
Hey Toronto Star: as a supposedly environmentally-conscious newspaper, should you really be giving out free gas?
[tags]toronto star, free gas[/tags]
From the Globe and Mail: Going forward, rise up against crapspeak
Recently, a decree went around to local authorities in England and Wales – town and county councils, mostly – from the body that governs them, forbidding use of a long list of popular crapspeak terms. The Local Government Association sent out a list last week of 100 “non-words” for councils to avoid. According to The Associated Press, the list exhorted government officials to replace “revenue stream” with income and to avoid cryptic code words such as “coterminosity,” meaning an overlap of administrations. “Stakeholder engagement” can easily be replaced by “talking to people,” the chairman of the association said.
Almost simultaneously, a writer for the BBC’s online magazine posted a rant about the mindless cheeriness of the most popular catchphrases in business. Lucy Kellaway is on a campaign against “going forward” in particular, which, as we have noted, is used by every inarticulate person who wants to make some reference to the future. She accuses business folk, with their optimistic blue-skying and reaching out, and leveraging, all their synergies and passionate commitments to visions, of being brainlessly upbeat. “All the celebrating, the reaching out, the sharing, and the championing, in fact, grind one down,” she writes. “The reality is that business is the most brutal it has been for half a century.”
I couldn’t agree more. I hate having to listen to this every day. Actually, “going forward” might be one of the most egregious examples, along with “leverage” and “touch base offline.” Those make me want to claw my own ears off.
[Inspired by Currency Tim]
[tags]crapspeak, globe and mail[/tags]
From the BBC: 50 office-speak phrases you love to hate
“My favourite which I hear from the managers at the bank I work for is let’s touch base about that offline. I think it means have a private chat but I am still not sure.”
I can’t believe they missed “Open the Kimono.”
.:.
Speaking of opening the kimono*: from MSNBC: Japan makes robot girlfriend for lonely men
She is big-busted, petite, very friendly, and she runs on batteries. A Japanese firm has produced a 15-inch tall robotic girlfriend that kisses on command, to go on sale in September for around $175, with a target market of lonely adult men.
Clearly, this is going to end in electrocution.
* I did not plan that segue, I swear to you.
[tags]office-speak, robot girlfriend[/tags]
The media hurts my head. First up: a short presentation from the TED conference demonstrating, in graphical form, why the American news media is failing its viewers:
Speaking at the TED Conference, Alisa Miller (CEO of Public Radio International) explains why Americans know less and less about the rest of the world. Along the way, she uses some eye-popping graphs to put things in perspective. Watch the video below or find it on our YouTube playlist.
Next, we have Scott McLellan criticizing the news media for…umm…believing what he told them.
He excludes himself from major involvement in some of what he calls the administration’s biggest blunders, for instance the decision to go to war and the initial campaign to sell that decision to the American people. But he doesn’t spare himself entirely, saying, “I fell far short of living up to the kind of public servant I wanted to be.”
He includes criticism for the reporters whose questions he fielded. The news media, he says, were “complicit enablers” for focusing more on “covering the march to war instead of the necessity of war.”
Kind of reminds me of when I was kid and my older brothers would grab my wrists and beat me in the head with my own hands, asking “Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?” Anyway…
My final example is a bit of a stretch, since Michelle Malkin can hardly be considered “media” but really, any news organization which actually reported on Malkin’s silliness and put pressure on the advertiser deserves ridicule.
Dunkin’ Donuts has pulled an online advertisement featuring celebrity chef Rachael Ray after criticism from conservative U.S. bloggers over her choice of scarf.
Ray, while promoting an iced coffee, was wearing a black-and-white scarf, similar to the kaffiyeh, a scarf commonly worn in the Middle East. Critics, including conservative commentator Michelle Malkin, argued that Ray should not be wearing such a scarf because, they said, it has come to symbolize Muslim extremism and terrorism.
The kaffiyeh “has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad,” Malkin said in her blog last week. Malkin welcomed the decision, saying, “it’s refreshing to see an American company show sensitivity to the concerns of Americans opposed to Islamic jihad and its apologists.”
Amahl Bishara, an anthropology lecturer at the University of Chicago who specializes in the Middle East, said complaints about the scarf reflect a misunderstanding of Arab culture. “Kaffiyehs are worn every day on the street by Palestinians and other people in the Middle East — by people going to work, going to school, taking care of their families and just trying to keep warm,” he said.
Malkin really does have a knack for picking the most absurd arguments out of thin air. Hey Michelle, I notice the Klan always carry around crosses (and occasionally burn them, but that’s neither here nor there); has the crucifix come to symbolize Christian extremism and racism? Should advertisers distance themselves from anyone who wears a cross around their neck?
[tags]news media, ted conference, alisa miller, scott mclellan, rachel ray, michelle malkin, dunkin donuts, kaffiyeh[/tags]
Wondering what the whole subprime mortgage crisis is about? This American Life does a great job of explaining it in a 60-minute podcast. [via Brijit]
From the CBC: Einstein letter dismissing God sells for $330,000 US. This letter was initially expected to fetch between $12,000 and $16,000. Apparently Atheists have some disposable cash. [duh…see yesterday’s post]
West Virginia…I don’t even know what to say here. Watch this clip (or this clip if you’re in the US). The insanity starts around the 2:30 mark.
[tags]this american life, subprime mortgage crisis, einstein letter, west virginia primary, racism[/tags]
From Torontoist: Vanity’s Fair. I don’t know David Topping (though LinkedIn keeps telling me I should) but anyone who starts a story this way must be a decent guy:
Canada’s talented children have gone unexploited for far too long, an injustice that Universal Music has finally seen fit to remedy.
According to Hollywood Reporter, the label has “joined the search for Canada’s version of Miley Cyrus,” and, with YTV, has created a new TV talent competition called The Instant Star, designed for children 15 and under. The winner gets a record contract, fame, and, presumably, a shot at pubescence.
I, for one, feel that Canada could really do without a Miley Cyrus. Hannah Montana, though…we need us one of those.
I’d like to say that was the most disturbing TV-related thing I saw/read today, but…well, WIVB (a CBS affiliate in Buffalo, NY) pretty much wins. Poor Nellie just wanted to watch How I Met Your Mother, but WIVB was busy showing 2.5 hours of some wackadoo with a pistol sitting on a bridge. I was amazed to hear that families had come from all around town, sitting on the grass, waiting to see said wackadoo shoot someone (or be shot himself). It was also entertaining to read the [ahem] coverage on their website, rife as it was with spelling errors (click the image on the right for more detail) and amateurish reporting. To wit: “Apparently, one of the police sharp shooters took a shot of the gentleman and police have pulled the guy from the vehicle.”
What was really disturbing was the breathless excitement of the reporters. I’ve never gotten this fascination the American news media has with any kind of criminal possessed of a license and set of keys. If this guy had never gotten in a car, had instead just hung out on his front lawn with a .38, no one would notice. OK, well, the cops might notice, but the news media wouldn’t have choppers circling overhead while Burt the janitor updates the web site. However, because this guy gets in a car, news anchors instantly go from six to midnight as visions of white Broncos dance in their heads. In no time at all, Janitor Burt had created a banner ad pointing to live streaming video of the standoff and a Google Map showing the location. He’d also uploaded a pile of amateur pictures and opened up the comments, which range from “this is absolutely ridiculous, this guy is charging his phone. if i miss How I met your Mother I am going to be super pissed at this guy” to “Shoot the white trash in the croch”.
What’s the emoticon for “the human race is doomed” again?
[tags]torontoist, the instant star, miley cyrus, wivb buffalo, how i met your mother[/tags]
OK, back to your regularly scheduled solipsism.
[tags]solipsism, montreal canadiens, canada’s team, cbc, cigarette butts[/tags]
From the BBC: Al-Qaeda accuses Iran of 9/11 lie.
Al-Qaeda’s deputy leader, Ayman al-Zawahiri, has blamed Iran for spreading the theory that Israel was behind the 11 September 2001 attacks. In an audio tape posted on the internet, Zawahiri insisted al-Qaeda had carried out the attacks on the US.
So let me see if I’ve got this straight…Al Qaeda are pissed at Iran for trying to steal their terrorist street cred and give it to Israel? I have now, officially, seen everything.
I wonder if it occurs to Al Qaeda that they’re indirectly criticizing Iran’s anti-semitism…
[tags]al-qaeda, iran[/tags]
From the Quill & Quire’s blog: Mommy’s New Rack.
In the latest sign of the impending apocalypse, ABC News has posted a story about a new children’s book called My Beautiful Mommy, written by the Florida-based plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Salzhauer. The book is an attempt to explain (and to justify) plastic surgery to children.
My soul…it weeps.
“Why are you going to look different?” asks the daughter of her mother in the car ride back from the doctor’s office.
“Not just different, my dear — prettier!” exclaims the mother.
On the outside, maybe.
Actually, not even then. The wonder that is high definition has made it very clear which actors and actresses have had work done, and it just never looks good. Latest exhibit: Mary McDonnell, who’s acquired a Joker-grade rictus for season four of BSG.
[tags]plastic surgery, mary mcdonnell[/tags]
While walking to work today I noticed a sign in a store window that read, “Clinical strength Cutera Yag.” I thought to myself, That’s good, ’cause when I eat* Cutera Yag I’d only want the strongest, most medicinal kind.
Seriously, I don’t know why anyone would even bother with the mild version. What’s the point of buying some Cutera Yag if it’s just weak-ass shit that won’t do the job. I mean, really. I should also point out that the store was in/near Yorkville, so you just know that all the crazy plastic ladies who lunch who hang out around there wouldn’t be having no substandard Cutera Yag.
* It should be obvious by now that I haven’t a fucking clue what Cutera Yag is. I also have no idea what one does with it…does one eat it? Smoke it? Rub it on one’s skin or else it gets the hose again?
UPDATE: a Cutera Yag is some kind of laser that destroys hair and veins. Or something. So there you go. You learn something new, expensive and retarded every day.