Category: Technology

Maybe they should send Jack Bauer after Rosie Costello

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

Life is always better the day after the Canadiens beat the Leafs. However, Montreal didn’t do much of anything at the trade deadline (picking up a third-string goalie from waivers) while many of their closest competitors did.

.:.

I want this. Bell Canada cannot get this to me fast enough.

Imagine being at work, behind your computer, or holding your BlackBerry, and being able go online and control all the lights, temperature and appliances in your home. About 250 homeowners in Milton will soon have that option through a Web portal designed by Bell Canada and offered through their local utility.

Pair that with a Slingbox and I can take my home with me.

.:.

This woman might be the most repugnant being on the face of the earth who hasn’t killed someone or tortured an animal.

A woman admitted Monday that she coached her two children to fake retardation starting when they were 4 and 8 years old so she could collect Social Security benefits on their behalf.

The mind boggles.

.:.

Speaking of mental retardation, I don’t know how much more of 24 I can take. It’s just boring now. I feel compelled to watch the remainder of this season, but really, I’ve stopped caring for the most part. The only thing I really tune in for now is to see how Jack occasionally manhandles someone (cases in point: nearly breaking his [imminent] lady love’s neck last week when he thought she betrayed him, and in an early episode when he dragged some poor unsuspecting motorist from his car and threw him to the ground, yelling “Don’t get up!”) and to see if they somehow miraculously bring Mandy back into the plot. Other than that…meh. To quote Frank, “Wake me when Zombie Nina* arrives.”

* A&E’s been showing old episodes in the morning. Today I was late for work because I had to watch the end of the episode where Jack kills the hell out of Nina.

[tags]canadiens, leafs, trade deadline, smart home, slingbox, children faking mental retardation, 24[/tags]

"It's mind boggling. It's an altered reality." No kidding.

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Via the Showcase Sideshow: there’s a virtual revolution going on in Second Life.

Last week, an organization known as the Second Life Liberation Army, the “in-world military wing of a national liberation movement,“ set off an atomic bomb outside the American Apparel shop in Second Life, a game-free virtual world that claims two million cyber-citizens. A few hours later another nuke exploded at a Reebok store. Though the bombing campaign was their flashiest attack yet, the SLLA has been spearheading an insurrection for months now as part of their campaign for self-rule within the 3D “metaverse” created by San Francisco hi-tech firm–or, as the SLLA dubs them, “authoritarian government”–Linden Lab.

I don’t know why, but the idea of setting off atomic bombs outside a virtual American Apparel delights me. I really hope it took out someone from their <strike>child pornography harem</strike> marketing department.

Get a first life, indeed.

.:.

In answer to my own earlier question (which was “I can’t decide who I want to make fun of more: James Cameron for announcing that he’s found the tomb of Jesus, or the people who are outraged by it.“), it’s the latter.

James Cameron and the documentary crew are just making a publicity play, pure and simple. There’s nothing wrong with that, either; you could argue the merits of duping the dupable for profit’s sake, but that’s the underlying principle of advertising, so it’s not as if these folks are the first to try it. Honestly, what kills me are the people who claim it couldn’t possibly be Jesus’ tomb because there’s a body inside, and the bible says Jesus ascended to heaven when he died.

A university professor, dismissing the story about the tomb being Jesus’, said “It’s a beautiful story but without any proof whatsoever.” Rarely have I heard religion described so well.

One final note: can we please stop talking about The Da Vinci Code now?

[tags]second life, SLLA, american apparel, jesus box[/tags]

Hypocrites 1; Telus 0

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You may remember me talking about how Telus is now selling porn via their cellphones. Well, they bowed to pressure from some customers and the Catholic church — who, let’s face it, really are the moral yardstick by which we should measure ourselves — and stopped the service.

Russell Smith weighs in with a logical, sensible response. Not that I expect his column to change many minds; sense and logic haven’t exactly carried the day thus far.

The way I see it: you can hate porn, or you can love porn, or you can admit that (as Smith points out) the definition of what’s porn and what isn’t is fuzzy at best. What I don’t understand is how you can argue that porn on cellphones is somehow more evil or damaging than on TV, computer screens, magazines or phone lines.

.:.

I just finished my uncle’s WWI book; I don’t know exactly why, but this time around I found it even more engaging. Maybe it was that The Guns Of August provided such a good introduction, or maybe I could just keep all the place & officer names straight this time. Anyway, I blasted through it in record (since I started the MBA, anyway) time. I’ll start Paris 1919 today since I’m home on sick leave.

By the way, the best line from the book was the very last:

“When he read the peace treaty, Marshal Foch burst out, ‘This isn’t peace! This is a truce for twenty years!’ The Treaty of Versailles was signed on June 28, 1919. Twenty years and sixty-seven days later, Great Britain and France declared war on Hitler’s Germany.”

[tags]telus, cell phone porn, russell smith, WWI, treaty of versailles[/tags]

Facial recognition software has not yet reached the maturity phase

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A friend sent me a link for some online facial recognition software and I’ve been playing around with it. I’ve uploaded several pictures, and so far it’s told me I look like the following people:

I kind of wished they’d loaded up Bobby from King Of The Hill. I wanted to test the theory.

Oh, and on the attempt that said I resembled Daniela Pestova, it said my wife looked like Elijah Wood. I don’t know what’s worse, that I look like a Czech supermodel or that I married Frodo of the Shire.

[tags]myheritage, facial recognition software[/tags]

I'm cryin', cryin', cryin' over you…

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You may have heard in the last few weeks that Telus is now selling porn via their mobile phones. Now an archbishop in Vancouver is protesting:

Archbishop Raymond Roussin is upset, saying the move takes the “accessibility of pornographic material further into the public realm.”

Roussin told The B.C. Catholic newspaper that the move is especially ill-considered because of the problems pornography is causing in society.

“Given the increasing awareness about the problem of sexual addiction to pornography through Internet access, and the abuse that this perpetuates of vulnerable persons, Telus’s decision is disappointing and disturbing.”

…

He is also considering directing Catholic institutions to terminate their contracts with Telus Mobility.

He might as well leave the contract where it is. The other carriers will be on board with this as soon as humanly possible.

.:.

The Onion AV Club lists their 15 pop movies owned by movie scenes. While some are no-brainers — “Stuck In The Middle With You” in Reservoir Dogs, “Lust For Life” in Trainspotting, “The End” in Apocalypse Now, “Tiny Dancer” in Almost Famous — they missed one which seems obvious to me: “Goodbye Horses” in Silence Of The Lambs. Nobody who has ever seen that film will think of anything but the sight of Ted Levine tucking away his bait & tackle as the song ends. In fact, one of the few funny scenes in Clerks II was predicated on everyone knowing the relationship between that song and that scene.

That’s not to mention “Mad World” from Donnie Darko or “Bohemian Rhapsody” from Wayne’s World, both of which I think are mentioned in The Onion’s comments.

.:.

After our big blowout dinner Friday night we stayed low-key yesterday, watching two movies: Ask The Dust (imdb | rotten tomatoes) and The Wages Of Fear (imdb | rotten tomatoes). The former was a 1930s period piece, unremarkable that it featured a great deal of Salma Hayek nakedness. Even with that, I fell asleep once or twice. The latter was a French movie from 1952 about four men who drive trucks loaded with nitroglycerin through the South American wilderness. The first hour seemed slow and a little silly, but it was really just all scene-setting for the final 90 minutes, which was pretty much non-stop tension. Considering the film’s 55 years old I think it’s held up pretty well.

[tags]telus, cell phone porn, onion av club, ask the dust, wages of fear[/tags]

10 years of nasal bleating

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Charlie Brooker is my new favourite hero, based solely on this article.

I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don’t use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.

GB, I await your scorn.

[Thanks Duarte]

[tags]charlie brooker, mac ads[/tags]

Wonderbread and Cheez-Whiz, gimmie!

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It’s cold. It’s colder than cold. It’s hell ass balls cold. It’s so cold every car made before 2002 squeals when it’s started. It’s so cold my headphone cord turned into a pipe on the way home.

.:.

My Nomad randomly played “What An Idiot He is” by Ashley MacIsaac today. I don’t think I’ve heard it in eight years; had I, I would’ve wondered how Ashley came to write a song about future president Bush.

“He’s always got a dumb expression on his face
Makes me feel sorry for the human race
‘Cause I’ve got a funny feeling that he’s runnin’ the place…”

.:.

I’m on my third WordPress theme of the day. I kind of like this one so far.

[tags]cold weather, ashley macisaac[/tags]

"Then I took a crane kick to the face"

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S’cold outside. We had planned to shop around for a new TV (small one for the bedroom) at the electronics stores on Yonge Street but the wind chill changed our plans. A 20″ Sharp Aquos EDTV was fine for our purposes, and Bay Bloor Radio had one on hand. Done and done. A few more errands to prepare for my week away and we were snug at home in our nice warm apartment.

.:.

If you were awake during the 80s you’ll remember The Karate Kid. If you do, check this out. However, if you haven’t seen the movie, the video’s not gonna make much sense. The meaning of “Get him a bodybag! Yeeaahhhh!!” will be lost on you.
[tags]sharp LC-20S5U, karate kid[/tags]