Category: Dumbassedness

Perhaps he meant to say chest?

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Here’s how I know Fed-Ex doesn’t have a Britney sex tape: in an interview yesterday his friend was quoted as saying,

“At the time (the video was made) the two of them were in the honeymoon stages of the relationship and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They did nothing all day but have sex – and play the odd game of chess. They were insatiable.”

Chess? The friend expects us to believe that Kevin Federline and Britney Spears played chess?! C’mon. I suppose next a close friend of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow will reveal their plans to buy a leaky oil tanker.

I suppose this might just mean that the friend is full of shit, or it could simply confirm that The Sun is toilet paper masquerading as news, but I prefer to think of it as evidence that K-Fed’s desperation is beginning to overwhelm him. I’m hoping he’ll implode soon and we can go back to worrying about real problems, like what Bono thinks of Madonna’s adoption.

[tags]unimportant bullshit[/tags]

What's the Deal With the Hulk's Pants?

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Via Cinematical we learn that Bill O’Reilly is very concerned about horror movies. What delicious irony; most of the world thinks that Bill O’Reilly is a horror movie.

.:.

Seen Reading is a very cool little blog written by Julie Wilson, set here in Toronto, where she spots what people are reading and writes about it online. I’ve found a new favourite morning read. [via Torontoist]

.:.

My brother points out why you should always read more than just one newspaper. Bonus: if you stick around for the comments, you can see him flick a narrow-minded Ontarian in the ear. Metaphorically, of course.

.:.

Right, off to dinner.

[tags]cinematical, bill o’reilly, seen reading, julie wilson[/tags]

(3 x 0.4) + (3 * 0.08) = 1.44

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We watched a movie called Layer Cake (imdb | rotten tomatoes) last night. It was pretty good; I described it to T-Bone as a movie Guy Ritchie would make if he was off speed. Not that I have evidence of Guy Ritchie doing speed; it was just an apt description.

.:.

Sir Nicholas Stern’s report on the economic impact of climate change reminded me of a story CB told us on the weekend. She described a conversation she’d had with someone else where she was told, because she’s both an atheist and very passionate about environmental causes, that environmentalism is her religion. I don’t think the person who said it was pulling a Hugh, though I don’t think it was said in a malicious way either. I wish I’d been there; I’d have pointed out (’cause I love a good debate) that the statement was backward. Environmentalism is the opposite of religion; it’s how we conduct ourselves in response to a set of facts and theory based in science, as opposed to faith in a fictional work. Passion, zeal, overreaction…these reactions are common to environmentalists and depletists just as it does to atheists and theists, but the basis and foundation for religion and the basis for environmentalism couldn’t be further apart. The “_________ is your religion” canard is just a way of deflecting rational debate. And, sadly, we usually fall for it.

.:.

Today in line at the grocery store we were behind a guy buying candy for Hallowe’en. I don’t think he’d done it before, though, ’cause he’d just filled a plastic bag with chocolate bars. Not the bulk treats you can buy, mind you, but the full-sized versions. They weren’t in any order, and he didn’t know how many he had, so the cashier had to scan each one of them individually. Well, she didn’t have to; she could’ve scanned one kind several times, but she was a kid, so she shouldn’t have had to figure that out. Anyway, after 50 bars or so she finally finishes up…and the guy starts arguing about the price. He claims that they were on sale — 3 bars for $1.44 — but the cash register said $0.48 each. The cashier may have failed speed-checking, but she knew enough math to explain that $0.48 cents is the right price. The guy persists and goes to fetch a flyer. Finally, between the cashier, her supervisor and the withering glares coming from my wife, myself and the poor woman in front of us who only had a pear and some cheese, he got the message and paid. Then my wife decided to get her funny on:

cashier: Hi there. Double bag?
dan: No, that’s ok, we can put everything in our backpacks.
nellie: By the way, we also have 40 loose chocolate bars.
cashier: [cold look of fear]
nellie: Just kidding.
cashier: [nervous laughter; color returns to face]

[tags]layer cake, sir nicholas stern, global warming[/tags]

Well, I suppose he is an expert on medication…

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

I feel shitty enough that I want to go home, but not shitty enough to leave work, so it’s gonna be a long day. But as bad as I feel, I’ll take comfort in the fact that I’m not as big an asshole as Rush Limbaugh.

“He’s moving all around and shaking and it’s purely an act. . . . This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn’t take his medication or he’s acting.”

Nice.

[tags]michael j. fox, parkinsons, rush limbaugh is a big fat idiot[/tags]

How not to take a loss

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This plane crash story from New York is getting weirder and weirder.  There’re now reports that Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle was on the plane when it crashed into the building. I’d heard it was his plane, but apparently they’ve now found his passport near the wreckage.

Was he just really broken up about the ALCS loss to Detroit?

.:.

I see that Americans, having run out of foods to deep-fry, have begun deep-frying Coke. Brilliant. [via Joe]

.:.

I’m always angry at myself for not going to see art and photography exhibits, so I’m going to try really hard to see the World Press Photo 2006 exhibit at BCE place before the 22nd. [via Torontoist]

.:.

More pictures tonight if I have a chance.

[tags]cory lidle, new york plane crash, deep-fried coke, word press photo 2006[/tags]

A non-Rockies post

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Let’s see, what happened while we were gone and ignoring the news (apart from the obvious like the whole Foley-page thing and the continuing deaths of Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan)?

  • Nova Scotia seems to have quietly taken the Sunday shopping ban out behind the barn and shot it. Good for them; they can sit at the grown-up table with the rest of us now. Seriously, though, I’m glad; one day we’d like to move back there and we couldn’t do it while that ridiculous ban was in place. I couldn’t abide the idea of a selectively-applied religious Christian tradition telling me when and how I could spend money. When I lost some luggage before a friend’s wedding I couldn’t buy a replacement shirt and tie, but I could’ve gone to the casino or bought some tacky tourist kitsch on the waterfront. Foolish. Anyway, congratulations to NS for embracing change. Love the windmills, kids. Don’t throw your shoes at them.
  • If you need further proof that the Bush administration is batshit insane, look no further than the fact that Stephen Baldwin is a cultural advisor to the president.
  • The sting of the Canadiens blowing a 2-goal lead to the Sabres on Friday night, including allowing the tying goal with 15 seconds left, was soothed with a shootout win over the Leafs on Saturday.
  • Vinnie Vincent, brief guitarist for Kiss (just at the end of the makeup era) has been denied royalties to the one album he (officially) played on: Lick It Up. You know you’re in bad shape when you’re asking for royalties from a 25-year-old album that’s considered poor even by Kiss’ standards…

[tags]sunday shopping, stephen baldwin, canadiens, sabres, leafs, vinnie vincent, kiss[/tags]

Once again, an Onion headline becomes reality

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Of all the reprehensible things the Bush administration has done, this is one of the most terrifying: in an article titled Forget Nuremberg: How Bush’s new torture bill eviscerates the promise of Nuremberg, Slate explains how the President has granted himself the authority to “interpret the meaning and application of the Geneva Conventions.”

The court system is now emasculated regarding the issue of torture. The executive branch has subverted the judicial branch, and has the legislative branch by the throat. The checks and balances set out by the forefathers Republicans claim to hold so dear are being chipped away, bit by bit.

I fear America is sliding into a period which, not too many years hence, they’ll view as one of the darkest in their history.

.:.

On a lighter note, and in preparation for our trip, I’ve added a little Google Map to the sidebar. It’ll show you where we are, so long as I can get enough signal to update our location on the blackberry.

[tags]bush, torture, nuremberg, geneva conventions, google maps[/tags]

Is that a vampire nun?

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

This post borrows liberally from two sites I pilfered from my brother.

First, after following the link in the weird little strip he designed, I decided to make my own. I suggest you do the same.

Second, this unsettling link from badscience — a site my brother pointed me to — talks about how the UK is changing regulation of homeopathic remedies to allow them to make medical claims without evidence. I’d hate to see Canada make a similar move, for fear that people would equate homeopathic remedies with actual medical treatment. More than they do now, I mean.

[tags]strip generator, badscience, homeopathy, mhra[/tags]