Category: Humour

I am constant as the northern star

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

Fatblogging, ho:

  • Original weight: 233
  • Weight last week: 224.5
  • Weight this week: 223.5

Another week, another pound. At this rate I should be 67.5 pounds in just three years.

.:.

Tristram Shandy: A Cock And Bull Story (imdb | rotten tomatoes) was messy, intricate and very funny. It’s a film about a film about an essentially unfilmable novel, and I think I may have missed one or more “a film about…”s. Michael Winterbottom is quickly becoming one of my favourite directors.

.:.

There’s an excellent piece in Esquire this month entitled “God’s Not Watching Baghdad” that you should read if you have 15 minutes.

I was back in Iraq to see the president’s surge, to see if pushing more troops into Baghdad had made a difference. I had last been in Iraq two years before as a sergeant in an infantry company, patrolling its farm fields and city streets. On a good day, the country looks the same as it did during my deployments. Usually it looks much worse. Being back in Iraq, I hoped, would be a brief sojourn to reality, a break from America’s version of the war, where the battle lines had been drawn by fearless sloganeers: “Cut ‘n’ Run” or “Bring ‘Em Home,” depending. Where the debate no longer has much to do with Iraq and its people — other than the shitty smorgasbord of daily violence touted as evidence of either the mission’s futility or the dangers of quitting. Mostly, I wanted to make sense of why this had gone on so long with so little progress and see how the war looked to those tasked with the salvage operation.

Read the full article.

.:.

An article popped up in my feeds this week that resonated on a couple of levels. The Coast, the Halifax alternative weekly paper I used to read all the time in university, recently ripped off Passive-Aggressive Notes, a blog I quite enjoy. P.A.N. reposted the article, including this picture, which made me laugh my ass off. Ha ha ha ha. Soyfucker.

It also reminded me of an east-coast delicacy: donair pizza. I never liked donairs themselves (that sauce always made me sick) and I couldn’t eat the pizzas, but I used to loooooove eating the donair meat. I don’t even know what kind of meat it was (ostensibly I think it was meant to be lamb) but I still crave it every time I’m in Halifax.

.:.

Finally, after my brain being rendered mush by work and school for many months, it has sunk in: I’m going on vacation in two weeks. My thought priorities now seem to be as follows:

  1. Vacation
  2. The film festival, even though I’m missing it this year
  3. Work
  4. Scarlett Johansson
  5. Rehabbing my wrist
  6. Losing weight
  7. Keeping my fingernails tidy and well-clipped
  8. School

[tags]fatblogging, tristram shandy, the coast, passive aggressive notes, donair, france, scarlett johansson[/tags]

Well, hello there September

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

Seriously though, I have no recollection of August. How was it?

.:.

I just got back from a few hours of shopping (which I enjoy ever so much): breakfast at Holt’s, clothes at m0851 and Harry Rosen, wrist braces at Shopper’s and the Nike Store, and a few other odds & ends. Nellie’s still out looking for stuff. The plan for today is to power through a bunch of errands and work/school stuff, drink a beer on the balcony, barbecue some veggie burgers and watch a movie. I don’t think I can handle more than that, nor do I wish to.

.:.

Come on, I know you do the same thing every time you hear the song.

[tags]august, september, holt renfrew, m0851, harry rosen, nike store[/tags]

"I wanted you to be present."

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

Last night we watched Caché (imdb | rotten tomatoes), a rather unsettling French film. It built tension slowly and steadily, but never plodded. It showed how terror can suddenly bubble up after years and years of a low, quiet simmer. It wasn’t until the end of the film that I realized the two most effective devices: excruciatingly long POV shots and a complete absence of music.

Highly recommended if you have an adult attention span.

.:.

Liiiiink linkity-link-link-link:

* note: I do not have a happy dance.

[tags]caché, alberto gonzales, google transit planner, pogge, onion[/tags]

"In 1759, Voltaire wrote a book called Candide…"

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The Quill & Quire explores the Bush administration’s recent (and rather funny) tendency to compare themselves to literary characters:

They’re doing it again: earlier this week, former Bush adviser Karl Rove compared himself to both Grendel and Beowulf. Before that, he was Moby Dick.

Now, Rove’s ex-boss, one George W. Bush, is doing it – in a speech defending America’s continued presence in Iraq, Bush cited – wait for it – Graham Greene’s The Quiet American.

It would be even funnier if anyone believed Bush had actually read Graham Greene. It gets better though:

Again, Bush was citing a book about the dangers of American overseas naïveté to support his argument in favour of staying in Iraq. The best part is, as can be seen here, Bush’s critics have often cited the character of Alden Pyle to criticize the president’s foreign policy.

I’m guessing that’s the last time Bush lets his speechwriters reference any book not containing testaments.

.:.

IndieTits raises a very good, if spectacularly crude, question about the New Pornographers.

[tags]quill & quire, karl rove, george bush, beowulf, moby dick, quiet american, graham greene, indietits, new pornographers[/tags]

"The feel-good media moment everyone's looking for."

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

No better way to shake off a shitty day than to read this headline from The Onion: U.S. To Re-Hang Saddam Hussein.

Most observers considered Hussein’s execution, which was carried out by Iraq’s interim government and broadcast in grainy, amateur footage, to be creepy, gruesome, and generally lacking the sense of triumphant catharsis authorities had hoped for.

To remedy the public relations failure, Hussein’s body has been dug up from its burial place near Tikrit and wired together by U.S. Army forensic experts to ensure that it holds its shape during the ceremony. The re-hanging, which will be aired on all major networks and accompanied by a 30-minute retrospective highlighting the many reasons why Hussein was a terrible person deserving of this ignoble end, will be “brighter, cheerier, and more upbeat,” than the first attempt.

Thanks Onion.

.:.

Some advice: never, ever order a shrimp dish from a takeout thai restaurant. It’s just asking for trouble.

[tags]onion, saddam hussein, bad seafood[/tags]

First rule of order: no more tuna

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No matter how shitty a day you have — and believe me, I had a shitty day — these two things can make it a little bit better:  “No Pussy Blues” by Grinderman and a little lolcat action.

.:.

Man alive, it’s hard to function without your thumb. Buttoning a shirt, signing your name, tying your freaking shoes…all nigh unto impossible. Seriously, I’m convinced that our development of opposable digits is the only thing that’s keeping us in control of the planet right now. If dolphins (or even Jack Russell terriers) ever get thumbs, we are in serious trouble.

I, for one, welcome our delphinine overlords.

.:.

Britain has asked Israel to re-open the case of James Miller, a reporter who was shot by an Israeli officer while filming in Gaza four years ago. I blogged about this three years ago after watching a documentary about Miller on the first anniversary of his death. It was one more tragic story from a region rife with them. This appeal will surely cause an outcry in Israel, but one has to admire Britain’s doggedness in seeking justice for one of her citizens.

[tags]grinderman, lolcat, opposable digits, james miller[/tags]

Really, they're both about rejection…

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

I just saw two tshirts on the street that I really, really want.

The first one had a picture of Mr. T imposed over a normal distribution graph. At the top it said “Mr. T test”; at the bottom it said something like “I pity the fool who rejects my null hypothesis!” I couldn’t quite read the small print as the wearer was cycling away from me, but I still laughed out loud on the street.

The second one was very simple, and will only make sense if you watch Entourage: it had a drawing of Kevin Dillon’s head with the word “DRAMA” in block letters underneath.

I have two questions: where can I get those, and give them to me.

[tags]mr. t, kevin dillon, johnny drama, entourage, tshirts[/tags]

"And chew…and chew…8 more…7 more…"

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

If you’re a Battlestar Galactica fan and you’re reading this article over on the TV show blog, you might be thinking to yourself, “Who knew Katee Sackhoff was such a girly-girl? And where did THOSE come from?!!!?!” *

.:.

I managed to run about 1.5 miles this morning and then just barely made it work on time. I have an 8AM meeting tomorrow, so clearly there will be no early morning run. I think my only workout of the day will be PowerEating at Fieramosca.

.:.

 

[Brilliance from Indexed, by Jessica Hagy]

.:.

I think that if I were to somehow narrow down my all-time favourite songs, “NYC” by Interpol would be on there.

.:.

* You would probably only think this if you’re a guy. Or my wife, who has a girlcrush on Starbuck.

[tags]battlestar galactica, katee sackhoff, indexed, jessica hagy, interpol[/tags]

Sheer quality

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

I forgot to blog about this on Monday. I support the cause behind Live Earth, but I also support Barry’s right to slag the Black Eyed Peas and James Blunt. To wit:

Since the Live Earth concert the other day, everything has changed. In these 2 days since the concert the environment has apparently regenerated up to 68% of the damage done by humans because of the sheer quality of the music played by David Gray and Black Eyed Peas. When Madonna played, the ozone layer hole sealed up, probably to keep the great music from leaking out into space!
Most amazingly of all though, I woke up this morning to find 3 new full grown trees in my back garden with a note from James Blunt which read,”I’m planting trees in your area for the environment’s sake, stay beautiful”.
How good is that?

From Mogwai.

[tags]mogwai, live earth[/tags]