Miami

I was in Miami for a few days earlier this week, for work. Rough job, I know. To be honest, I’d been unofficially trying to go my whole life without ever setting foot in Florida, what with it being…you know, fucked. Still, I was invited to a conference, so I went.

I wasn’t really staying in Miami, at least not the Miami most of us think about. The conference was out in Doral at the Trump Hotel. There were no signs of it being a douchey Trump property, except that when you turned on the TV it would auto-play a random Trump speech. So I got to know the location of the mute button on the remote real quick.

Still, the weather was nice and they had a bar by the pool, so I spent a fair amount of off-conference time hanging out there and drinking Cigar City Jai Alai IPAs with friends. Related: our server didn’t know what Jai Alai is, or how to pronounce it, so I had to teach her. Related to related: I am old.

One other highlight: a vendor took a bunch of us out to dinner in South Beach, at Bazaar in the SLS hotel. We had a private room (which people kept sneaking up to, thinking there were celebrities inside…once they saw it was just a bunch of nerds they looked disappointed and slunk away) for dinner, which was pretty damn great. A quick scan of the menu produced some of the tapas dishes we shared, but not all: chinese buns w/ pork belly; cones full of salmon roe and dill cream cheese; hamachi w/ pickled onions, sour orange; dragon fruit ceviche w/ tuna, pecans, lime, hibiscus; brussels sprouts w/ “lemon air”; bone marrow w/ Caribbean white truffles, florida citrus, capers; Cuban coffee-rubbed churrasco; endives w/ goat cheese, oranges, marcona almonds, orange dressing; sautéed shrimp w/ garlic, parsley, lemon, guindilla pepper; croquetas de pollo; tacos made of jamón ibérico and caviar; and for dessert, some amazing churros with peanut butter.

The night was marred only by the fact that our transportation from the hotel to the restaurant was a Ford Hummer Killer, an enormous stretch SUV limo, which poisoned my very soul. I also got into it a bit with a Republican (or, more likely, Tea Partier) on the drive home re: the relative merits of socialized healthcare. Or, in my more aggressive moments, the “fucking travesty” of the US healthcare system. So, there was that. Oh, and Jamie Foxx ate dinner at the restaurant just as we were leaving, so people were all agog and agape.

All in all, though, it was a good trip. Though I am in no way attractive enough to hang out in South Beach, I’d be willing to visit Miami again. Not the rest of Florida though; that state is messed up.

“If you have a weakness, Las Vegas will punish you.”

Poor Nellie had never been to Vegas. I’d only been twice (which was enough) but she felt like she wanted to visit, so when I was invited to speak at a conference we decided she should just join me after it ended.

I flew down on Sunday for the conference, checking in quite late at the Signature at the MGM Grand. After a little hiccup with the check-in process I was in my room, an oversized suite, and scarfing some late night room service. The conference itself went fine: my brief portion was uneventful and I got to see Breaking Bad‘s Vince Gilligan and Anna Gunn. Then again, I accidentally slept through the Elvis Costello concert, so it was a mixed bag.

Despite being virtually enclosed in the MGM Grand complex, I managed to locate some decent craft beer in my spare time at Michael Mina Pub 1842 and the lounge in my hotel. Before I knew it, though, it was time to check out and take a cab down the street to the Vdara.

Since Nellie had never been to Vegas I wanted a cool new hotel, and Vdara fit the bill. While it’s attached to the Aria, it’s just a hotel with a simple bar and café…no casino, no stores, no massive restaurants. I was given a room on the 52nd (!) floor with an impressive view south, shaky camera and thick glass notwithstanding.

Nellie finally arrived late in the evening, with just enough time to grab a drink downstairs at the lobby bar and then crash. Like, sleep until 10 the next morning crash. After we finally got up we grabbed some lunch next door at Five50, a pizza place just off the Aria casino floor which also happened to have a solid craft beer selection. Damn good pizza, actually.

The big event we’d booked in for that day was a helicopter tour with Maverick. They picked us up from the Aria and from then on ran everything like a machine: dropped us off, checked us in, weighed us (seriously), and introduced us to our pilot and co-passengers (two Canadians, one Aussie). And man…the tour was fantastic. Just lifting off in a helicopter for the first time in our lives was pretty cool, but then ascending above Las Vegas and flying over the surprisingly striking Nevada landscape to the east was killer. Then we crested a hill and the Grand Canyon spread out in front of us and we were hooked. We flew along the canyon for a while, then did a 180 and landed inside the canyon. We got out and had some champagne, enjoying the quiet sunset just above the Colorado River. After a while we flew back, stopping over the Hoover Dam and then downtown Vegas, sidling down the strip at dusk when the lights of the city took over. We disembarked the helicopter feeling like it had been a fantastic adventure indeed.

Our day wasn’t done though: Nellie had asked me to buy tickets for a show called Zombie Burlesque, which was…pretty much what it sounds like. Hey, she likes zombies, and I was pretty sure I’d like burlesque, so…yeah. I bought those tickets. Bought ’em up. There was some brutal line confusion at the theatre just before showtime, but we got in, got a drink, and took our seats. We were braced for something terribly cheesy, but it was actually really fun and funny. Clever, even. Plus, you know, barely-dressed super-hot women. One of them was an excellent singer, and did a rendition of Bjork‘s “It’s Oh So Quiet”, a difficult song to sing even when one is not dressed in lingerie and dancing with male zombies. Not for everyone, but it was pretty cool.

We walked home along the Las Vegas strip amidst the other zombies (see what I did there?) and, when considering where to eat dinner, decided we had a lot more beer to tackle back at Five50. We had a nice little charcuterie board before splitting another pizza, this one with some kick, and a few more tasty beers. After that we didn’t have much left in us but to waddle back to the hotel and fall asleep.

And then…yet another lie-in, spurred on by the rainy (!) weather. ‘Round noon we got ourselves up to find some food, this time at the Todd English P.U.B., tucked between the Aria and the fancy-pants shops of the Crystals at City Center. We, being brave Canadians, sat on the patio despite the cool weather and rain. We ate duck buns and pretzels and a pastrami sandwich and drank excellent beer while beside us people slipped and fell on the wet sidewalk. Among them was one rather well-lubricated gentleman, carrying lord-knows-what in a novelty plastic boot cup; as he slipped near our table he looked up, raised his cup to us and said in what sounded like a Texan accent, “Y’all want some boot?” We declined.

By the way, we stayed dry because of the overhang of the Crystal structure above us. The building was designed by Daniel Libeskind, who Torontonians might recognize as the architect responsible for the addition of the Michael Lee-Chin crystal to the Royal Ontario Museum in 2007. This one seemed better-executed than the ROM’s jagged burst blister. After lunch we made our lone visit to a casino, inhaling more cigarette smoke then we’d normally experience in a year and promptly losing a few hundred dollars on roulette, then walked back to our hotel to get cleaned up for the evening.

While we’ve seen our fair share of Cirque du Soleil shows, we’re not the biggest “show” enthusiasts. Still, we felt it was part of the Vegas experience, so a little poking around some review sites led us to purchase tickets for Le Rêve. And, uh…holy shit. No really, holy shit. We took our seats a few rows back from the pool (it’s all water-based) and waited for it to get going, still not sure what to expect. But man…after the first big sequence I was speechless. Then it just kept going. At least half a dozen times I yelled — yelled — “WHAT?!!?” as one performer or another did something ridiculous or spectacular or both. By the end I was spent. Le Rêve broke my brain. BROKE IT.

So, yeesh. How to recover from that?

Actually, Nellie recovered by discovering the Grand Canal Shoppes at the Palazzo next door (where we had dinner booked) and I had to drag her out of Christian Louboutin and Coach. Between you and me I think the exchange rate is the only thing that averted disaster. We walked back downstairs to our dinner reservation at Carnevino, Mario Batali’s Italian steakhouse.

Now I’ve long contended that Jacobs & Co. right here in Toronto is the best steakhouse I’ve been to, and I’ve been to a few. But our experience at Carnevino might be right up there among the best. After a 3-cheese amuse we inhaled the octopus starter (along with a surprising Pinot Grigio), followed by the lobster anolini (with a glass of Chard/Sauv blend), and then tucked into our steaks: New York strip for me, bone-in Filet Mignon for Nellie. It was one of the best steaks I’ve ever had…no sauces for me, just meat prepared perfectly. Nellie’s cut, while obviously not as flavourable as my own, was almost impossibly tender. We paired these beasts with a 2004 Bartolo Mascarello Barolo – not the varietal we’d normally choose, but when in Rome (or a cheesy facsimile of Venice) you go with the flow. We listened to the White Stripes and Black Keys and ate ourselves stupid, and pencilled the night in among our very favourite meals. Broken, yet again. This time in the stomach. And the wallet; this was officially the most expensive meal we’d ever eaten. Stupid exchange rate.

We asked our cabbie to drop us at the Bellagio because Nellie wanted to see the fountains. Sadly, after waiting there for five minutes, a voice announced there would be no further show that evening. Dejected (not really) we walked home and poured ourselves into bed. We crashed. We were broken.

The next day was a long slog from the bed to packing, interrupted briefly by a truly excellent room service breakfast, to the airport, to one last (terrible) beer in the airport, to the plane, back to Toronto. Correction: back to a snowstorm in Toronto. We got home late, and pretty much died.

Vegas.

Africa

Mon Nov 4: Toronto to London

Giving ourselves a long weekend to relax and get ready was a great idea. By the time we left for the airport we were prepped and excited. We dropped our bags and hoped we’d see them again in Johannesburg. We waited at the gate, sitting comfortably whilst most other passengers queued before they’d been called as good Britons do. Finally we boarded and took our seats.

This was our first time flying British Airways — in their World Traveler Plus (aka premium economy) class, specifically — and first time on a new Boeing 787. Both were impressive. Our main flight attendant — an uncanny ringer for Daffyd, the only gay in the village — was very courteous and very generous with the wine, so we ended up drinking a bottle and a half between us. Also: the food was very good. The noise-canceling headphones were much appreciated since the old woman behind us sang — loudly — for most of the flight. I can only assume someone shushed her when it came time to sleep, but before that I could actually hear her over my headphones playing The World’s End and Now You See Me.

As for the 787, it was pretty nice as well. The chairs were thinner which made for more leg room, the bigger windows (with intelligent shading) made a significant difference in the view, and little things like the clarity of the PA and the roominess of the washroom added up to an impressive experience. I feared the 747 (another first) down to Joburg might not measure up.

Tue Nov 5: London to Johannesburg

We landed at Heathrow and waited the requisite far-too-long in customs, then checked in to the Sofitel attached to Terminal 5. We booked a day room just in case we couldn’t sleep on the flight. We managed to get a little sleep overnight, but not nearly enough, so rather than take the Heathrow Express to Paddington we got two more hours’ sleep. We felt SO much better afterward. We grabbed some paninis and drinks downstairs at the Perrier-Jouet bar (rosé champagne for Nellie, Worthington’s White Shield for me) and chatted with the bartender Gregg (who it turns out was originally from Joburg!) before taking showers. We felt human again.

We flew out of terminal 5, BAs home base, and it’s really quite a lovely airport experience. We had some yummy flatbread and decent beers at The Crown Rivers pub, then stood with the other travelers in front of the board while the Heathrow staff decided which terminal to fly us out of. Terminal C, as it turns out. Thus armed, we got to our gate and boarded the 747 which would carry us the 11-odd hours to Johannesburg. It was, as  I feared, not quite the experience the 787 had been: it had tiny video screens, worn seats, clunky tray tables, small windows…anyway, whatever. It was a comfy seat for the half-day it took us to reach Joburg, and after watching a couple movies (Pacific Rim and Iron Man 3 for me) we  managed to get a decent night’s sleep.

Wed Nov 6: Johannesburg to Cape Town

We arrived  at OR Tambo airport, took a bus to the terminal (the first time we’d breathed fresh air in about 36 hours), and had a particularly pleasant customs experience (“I’m super, man. I’m superman!”) before collecting our bags, which had made it all the way from Toronto, thank the maker. We made the mistake of acknowledging two eager airport personnel who, before we knew it, were demanding tips for wheeling our luggage and showing us where the clearly marked gate was. Ridiculous. Lesson learned though: never trust the porters in orange shirts at OR Tambo airport. But what’s a few bucks anyway?

We had one more flight to get through, but stopped for a pint in the pub first. Castle is a big local brewery (owned by SABMiller) and their lager looked pretty generic. Was pretty generic. But after an 11-hour flight, when you’re drinking your first African beer on African soil, it tasted pretty goddamn good. Nellie had another; I drank their milk stout (which was significantly better), and we wandered down to our gate. The flight to Cape Town was, frankly, a bit wretched. Going from British Airways premium economy to South African Air’s economy was quite jarring. My legs literally did not fit; I had to stretch one leg into the aisle and another into my neighbour’s personal space.  Sorry man. So it was a pretty long 2:10 but we made it, collected our bags, and were met by our hotel’s private shuttle.

And our hotel…oh man. The POD Hotel in Camps Bay was one of the highest-rated hotels in all of Cape Town, and we knew we’d chosen well when our driver told us three times on the way in what a good hotel we’d chosen. When we walked into our room we were impressed; when we walked onto the balcony with the roiling Atlantic surf pounding in across the street and the Twelve Apostles mountains just to our left we knew we’d found home in Cape Town.

We dropped our stuff, rested for a bit, showered, and took a quick stroll down the beach. It was beautiful white sand, pounded to powder by the big swells that ran ashore as far up and down the coast as we could see. From the beach we could see the Lion’s Head to the north, and the clouds that settled atop the Apostles. We walked along it for a while, then went to dinner across the street.

Most of Camps Bay’s restaurants are on the east side of Victoria Road, literally across the street from the beach. When we took our seats at Paranga, a recommendation from the hotel staff, I could still see the waves pounding in. That might have been the last time I noticed the view though; after that my attention was 100% on the food. We started with a plate of cajun-dusted calamari; Nellie had a glass of local sparkling while I had a Fleur de Cap Chardonnay. Then, the mains: Nellie had a fillet (steak) with two grilled prawns, while I had the chef’s “big three”: springbok, blesbok, and ostrich, each with its own veg. I’d never had any of these meats before, at least that I can remember…it seems hard to believe I’d never tried ostrich. Anyway: the springbok was good, but slightly overdone. The ostrich was done nicely, and very good. But the blesbok — an animal I’d never even heard of before last night — was spectacular. It was smoked with rooibos wood, and seared rare. I almost passed out. We paired this extravaganza with a red Bordeaux blend from Warwick (all of their wines on offer were local) which was fucking tremendous, to put it mildly. We were full, but we had to get the malva pudding…kind of like bread pudding but made with apricot inside, and covered in custard, and goddammit. Also, we noticed that whisky was amazingly cheap, so Nellie had a 15-year-old Highland Park and I had a 14-year-old Oban for, like, $15 combined. We could barely walk home after all that, but we somehow did, and crashed. Holy shit, had we ever fallen for Cape Town.

Thu Nov 7: Cape Peninsula

We slept. We slept like frigging champions. When that alarm went off at 8am we felt like entirely new people. We had a good breakfast downstairs and got set for our first real touristy activity: a tour of the cape peninsula. Our driver Theo had been recommended by POD, and what a recommendation it turned out to be.

We drove out of Camps Bay down the coast, under the watch of the Twelve Apostles. Theo shared interesting facts along the way, too many for me to remember here, eventually reaching Hout Bay. We didn’t spend too much time in the town, but saw an old man sitting on the wharf feeding seals, obviously a self-made tourist attraction. Theo warned us that he could be rather ornery, but he took to Nellie immediately, offering to let her feed his seal. She sat down, leaned way over to the edge, and waited while the largest seal leapt from the water and snatched the fish from her hand. It was pretty cool, even if her hand did smell like fish for the rest of the day.

We drove on, climbing Chapman’s Peak and stopping to look back at Hout Bay. We saw more coastline and mountains, almost to where it became as commonplace as the Rockies had felt on the drive from Lake Louise to Jasper…when of course there was nothing common about it. There were more beaches too, some with bigger waves than we saw in Camps Bay, and those bigger waves brought surfers. Nellie watched them, hoping she’d get to see one eaten by a shark, but alas…nyet. Theo did tell a story of how a tourist lured his wife to Cape Town to kill her though, so that certainly put Nellie at ease.

We stopped at a shop displaying thousands of stone carvings (carved elsewhere but polished locally) from tiny figurines to huge animals. They offered to ship them anywhere in the world, and my wallet hurt just thinking about how much that would cost. We also stopped at a nearby Ostrich farm to get a look at a few, and naturally Nellie had to a buy an ostrich-leather purse. Or handbag. Or clutch. Or something. We also encountered some very rich, very entitled, and very annoying Russians. The daughter was young and beautiful and so accustomed to having people give her things that she seemed shocked and dismayed that they actually expected her to pay for her purchases.

After that we made the long drive down to Cape Point Park, where we were hoping for a few more animal sightings. At first we only saw a tortoise crossing the road, but on the drive down to the Cape of Good Hope we saw some wild ostriches and their babies. The Cape itself is really just a collection of rocks, and tourists jostling for position behind a sign which says “Cape Of Good Hope”. Theo said he’s seen fights break out there.

He then drove us a little further up to Cape Point, where we paid to take the funicular to the top. There were amazing views, of course, of the ocean and cliffs and rocks and birds and, after a few minutes, baboons. Nellie got shots of a few before a more aggressive one ran into a crowd of photographers and tried to steal a backpack. Thwarted, he sat on a wall and posed for us. Nellie got his picture, then turned away to take pictures of his friends…and no sooner had she turned away then the baboon made a run for her bag. She turned away just in time to avoid his swipe, but he still managed to give her a little scratch. So that tetanus shot back in Toronto paid for itself.

Our animal adventures weren’t quite done though. We’d asked for a stop at the Boulders penguin colony, and  saw quite a few of them hiding in the bushes along the walking trail, along with some dassies (aka rock hyraxes), which looked kind of like small marmots. Nellie then walked down to the beach and took pictures of the bigger penguin colony, whilst I inadvertently gave myself a wicked sunburn.

From there we drove along several more kilometeres of beautiful (and, apparently, shark-ridden) coastline of False Bay to lunch. Theo had booked us at Harbour House in Kalk Bay, right on the water. And when I say “right on the water” I mean that we saw seals catching and eating fish just outside the window by our table. We also saw a dude walk up to the kitchen with an armful of fish and walk out empty-handed, so yeah…fresh. Our meals were amazing: we shared the house specialty, a “tian” of four prawns leaning against a tower of layered avocado, tomato, and aubergine, covered with chili oil and pesto; for our mains I had the angelfish in basil cream with veg and scalloped potatoes while Nellie the yellowtail with garlic mashed, green beans, and a poached egg. Of course we had local white whine with it all. Oh, and a totally different group of annoying Russians sat next to us. We felt like annoying-Russian magnets.

We decided to cut it off there and just drove home, knowing the Table Mountain gondola was closed. We passed more shark-danger beaches, and discussed geopolitics and the American condition. What can I say? We were a few glasses in.  Theo dropped us off, and made another recommendation: order a bottle of Delaire Graff Chardonnay from the hotel’s bar. We thanked him, and requested him specifically for our Saturday drive out to wine country.

Since we got home with the sun still up we decided to go down to the beach. Nellie likes to dip her feet in oceans, and Camps Bay was about as safe a beach as we’d find. She sat in the sand while I stood at the tide’s edge and admired the waves. Unfortunately I didn’t notice the tide was coming in, and ended up getting drenched up to my knees by a sudden large wave. Nellie laughed and laughed and laughed, and then rolled up her pants and took off her shoes to prepare for her foot-dipping action and was promptly soaked by an equally large wave. So, karma.

We walked back to the room, dripping as we went, shook off the sand, and had a bit of a nap before running down the street to pick up pizzas (one spicy salami, one butter chicken) from Col’Cacchio. We ate them in the hotel’s lobby bar, with a bottle of Delaire Graff Chardonnay just as Theo had suggested, and examined the day’s pictures. The staff kept offering us blankets; I guess we were meant to find the evening temperatures cold.

Still on the staff, they gave us a pretty awesome surprise: when we’d gone out for the pizzas, they — remembering something I’d mentioned in passing when checking in about this being our anniversary — had gone up to our room and spelled out the number “10” in rose petals on the bed, and had left chocolates and a bottle of sparkling on ice. Amazing. No wonder this place was so highly recommended. We sat on the balcony until midnight, enjoying the cold-for-Africa, perfect-for-us evening, drinking sparkling wine, listening to the ocean, falling more and more in love with Cape Town with every minute.

Fri Nov 8: Robben Island

Finally, we’d get into Cape Town proper. We hopped on one of the open-topped tour buses (after waiting for a French woman to haggle over a 10% discount she thought she should get…which worked out to 7 Rand…which would be about half a Euro. Anyway.) and rode it around Bantry Bay and Sea Point and Three Anchor Bay and past the Cape Town stadium to the V&A waterfront. We jumped off here and caught the ferry to Robben Island.

First of all, a word on decorum: I feel that when traveling to a former prison for political prisoners, one should refrain from groping / kissing / fondling one’s girlfriend / wife / whatever. Maybe that’s just me. There were certainly people aboard our ferry who ignored this maxim, even whilst in the cells. But I digress.

Nellie had gotten pretty seasick on the ferry — it’s a catamaran traveling 8ish km in rough waters, so that was understandable. But after a few minutes on a bus and then a little fresh air she was better. We met our tour guide, Sipho, at the gates. He was a former political prisoner who did about five years at Robben Island. He told us about life there, about the guards, and about the hardship, but mostly about how the prisoners survived, and got smarter, and got organized, and ultimately got out. We saw Nelson Mandela’s cell and the garden courtyard he mentioned so often in this book, and many other cells and courtyards as well. We saw the limestone quarry where they were forced to work, and the cave where they found some refuge. We saw the rest of the island where former prisoners and wardens now live, side-by-side, with a crime rate of zero. It was more than a little humbling.

The ferry ride back was just as rough, but sitting above decks helped. It also gave us a spectacular view of Cape Town, Table Mountain, Devil’s Peak, and Signal Hill as we returned. We jumped back on the tour bus and rode a few more stops, eventually jumping off in a shopping area. We popped into Bean There for a shot of espresso and to buy some beans for a friend (and ourselves!) and checked out the merchants at the Greenmarket Square, but somehow forgot to walk up to Bo-Kaap. We did, however, need some food and a cold drink, so we checked out a place recommended by — you guessed it — Theo. He said there was a new beer place on Long Street with 99 beers on the menu. I’d not heard about it when researching beer places months ago, but when I checked Thursday night there it was: Beerhouse on Long.

What a find too: we had seven beers total (for me: CBC Amber Weiss, Lakeside APA, Darling Black Mist, and Triggerfish Ocean Potion Pale Ale; for Nellie: CBC Pilsner, Van Hunks Pumpkin Ale, and Devil’s Peak King’s Blockhouse) plus a bowl of fries for 280 Rand (~$29). So obviously we had to move to this city. Anyway, in spite of all the fun we were having laughing at the guy who kept ordering Corona, it was time to go. We’d missed our bus but caught a cab outside.

Dinner was at Zenzero, mainly because we didn’t know what else to do and couldn’t bring ourselves to eat at a place called the Codfather. Our food was good (fried baby prawns; crayfish spaghetti for Nellie; asparagus & prawn risotto for me; Warwick wines all night except Nellie’s glass of Pongracz sparkling), there was some sort of impromptu tightrope show outside, and the kid at the next table over was incredibly cute and entertaining. We strolled back to the hotel, ordered another bottle of the Delaire-Graff chard like the night before, and packed up to leave Cape Town.

Sat Nov 9: Cape Town to winelands

We had one last breakfast at POD before packing up and saying goodbye to the staff, the view, and Cape Town in general. We were headed to the cape winelands. Theo, our driver from Thursday, picked us up in a nice Benz sedan and we were underway. Stellenbosch, the most popular wine region, is only about an hour away from Cape Town, so it felt like we were barely settled into the car when we pulled into our first winery.

First, the area itself is beautiful: rolling green hills topped by jagged mountains. Second, tastings are somewhat more involved than what we’d experienced in Ontario or Napa or the Margaret River: generally you’d sit down at a table and a server would pour you everything they had, so tastings would often take an hour. So we limited the number compared to past wine country incursions.

The first winery we tried was Warwick, solely because we’d enjoyed so many of their wines back in Cape Town. The experience was a little disappointing — big tours, slow service — but we knew which wines we wanted, and left with their Trilogy Bordeaux blend.

Winery #2 was Kanonkop, based on a few recommendations. We didn’t get the full tasting experience since their tasting room had burned down just a few days before, so we just bellied up to the tasting bar as we were used to doing. The wines were a mixed bag, but we — much to our surprise — really liked their Pinotage. Despite being the signature grape for the region Pinotage has not been a favourite of mine. This one was smooth and full without being abrasive, so it left the store with us.

The third winery was a recommendation from Theo: Delaire-Graff. He’d recommended their wines already, but he also recommended the tasting experience. And he wasn’t lying: it was one of the most spectacular wine estates we’ve seen, with amazing views of the mountains. They weren’t living just on their setting either…we enjoyed quite a few of the wines we tried, ultimately leaving with a white blend (70% sauv blanc, 30% semillon) and a red Bordeaux(ish) blend. We drank the former that night, and planned to bring the latter home to Toronto.

Theo also recommended a spot for lunch, in the town of Franschhoek where we were staying: Reuben’s. Once again, he came through: our lunch was outstanding. In a courtyard covered by a canopy of tree branches we split a starter of a single scallop and single fish cake, sprinkled with truffle dust. The duck I had for my main was superb. Nellie said her potato gnocchi with vegetables was one of the best meals of her life. We had it all with a bottle of Viognier/Chenin, an interesting mix from Grande Provence winery just down the road. The staff had some issues with credit cards (not just ours; everyone’s) so it took 20 minutes longer than we wanted, but it was  a memorable meal to be sure.

Theo drove us up Lambrechts Road to see the panaroma of Franschhoek valley from above. On the way back down we tried to visit Haute Cabrière for some sparkling but they’d just closed, so he drove us on to our home for the next two nights: Holden Manz, on the outskirts of town. We checked in, and said our goodbyes to Theo.

I could barely remember booking Holden Manz so we didn’t have the highest of hopes for it, especially compared to our experience at POD, but right away we were impressed. The rooms were huge and actually reminded us of the B&Bs we stayed at in France. There was a fireplace, a nice little patio outside next to some peach trees, and a bottle of their rosé in the room. The grounds included a small pool, a lovely central dining area, a courtyard fish pond, some adorable dogs (who belonged to the manager, we think), and even a few monkeys! We drank the bottle of rosé on the patio and went for a quick dip in the pool to cool off.

We’d booked in for dinner at Holden Manz’ restaurant Franschhoek Kitchen, just through the vineyards on the other side of the farm, and for the second time that day we had a standout meal. We started with hoisin duck salad (me) and Caesar salad (Nellie). We both had the filet mignon, and both agreed that it was one of the best steaks we’d ever eaten. We paired it with a bottle of the estate’s Big G Cabernet blend — 50% sauv, 50% franc. I had an espresso and we somehow found room for dessert, though for the life of me I can’t remember what it was.

We walked back through the vineyards, which we learned the next day was a pretty big mistake, since it’s not at all uncommon for cobras and adders to frequent vineyards at night. Oops. Anyway, we got back to our room and found a fire burning in our fireplace. While it was warm during the day the evenings became rather chilly, so the fire was quite welcome.

Sun Nov 10: winelands

We ate breakfast outside in a pretty stunning vista. We had eggs and bacon and fruit and toast and juice and cappuccinos, and we played with the resident dogs, and we visited the monkeys nearby. It was certainly a civilized way to start the day.

We’d arranged a wine tour with La Rochelle wine tours, and were picked up by Aylmer. We’d had to do some last-minute jigging of our winery agenda since it turned out many of them were closed on Sundays. Somehow we struggled on.

Our first stop was the popular Boschendal winery. They have beautiful grounds and gardens (in which we saw a small owl hanging out on a path), and appeared to be hosting a party of hungover Eurotrash (One guy’s outfit: docs, skintight animal-print leggings, garish sunglasses, and a dinner jacket. No shirt.) at their restaurant. We took a table at their tasting room…or rather, under a huge tree in the courtyard outside the tasting room. We tried five each, and settled on their very good (and incredibly cheap) Sauv Blanc.

Our next stop was Rustenberg, one of the older wine farms around. Again, they had beautiful grounds and gardens, but their wines seemed more developed. We liked many of them, but especially a reserve Cab Sauv that’s going straight to the wine fridge. We also liked the cat who hung out in the tasting room, demanding scratches. There was also a bit of a Canadian connection: their Brampton line of wines is named after their champion bull Brampton Beacon Bloomer, who came from Brampton, ON. Anyway, we walked through their gardens to the far end where Aylmer picked us up.

From there we drove to Jordan, who had a massive lineup of wines for us to try. We tried nearly all of them, and settled on a rarity for the region: a Riesling. It was the first we’d seen; apparently only a few in the area do it. It was nice and dry and very unlike many of the ultrasweet Rieslings we get at home, so it’s coming back with us. We also did a fair amount of chatting with the staff and a British gentleman who was interested in knowing more about Canadian wine, given that he’d done a quick visit to the Okanagan not long ago. He thought I should be working in the wine industry. I told him I prefer to remain an enthusiastic consumer.

Our final stop of the day was Stark-Condé, tucked into the beautiful Jonkershoek valley. The wines were decent, but the setting was spectacular. Unfortunately our server’s English wasn’t great (not that it should be expected to be; our Afrikaans was non-existent) so it was hard to learn much about the wines. Instead we sat there and soaked up the view.

Aylmer drove us back to Franschhoek where we ate a small plate of snacks prepared by the staff, took another dip in the pool, then played with the dogs (the big one was named Jakob; the little Jack Russell was named Frankie) and monkeys again. The restaurant wasn’t open for dinner but they’d prepared a HUGE picnic for us, which we ate outside with one (okay, two) of our recent winery acquisitions. The manager then came by and poured us some of their winery’s port to go with dessert. We were the only guests left, and certainly the only ones brave (read: Canadian) enough to sit outside on a cool, blustery night, so we pretty much had the run of the place. Once again Lameck, the caretaker, made a fire in our room which we enjoyed as we packed. We watched He Got Game and fell asleep.

Mon Nov 11: winelands to Johannesburg

One last breakfast, one last dog-romp, one last monkey-visit, and we were off back to Cape Town. Aylmer had helpfully arranged a new ride for us once we realized that La Rochelle had lost our airport transfer booking. We enjoyed the scenery heading out of Franschhoek, and then snoozed the rest of the way to CPT.

We had a very long wait at out gate, which was overrun when our flight was delayed. Luckily the plane on this leg was significantly better than on the way out — I actually had leg room. We touched down, took a bus to the terminal, grabbed our bags, and made the long walk (and wait) for the shuttle to our hotel, the Protea. Frustratingly the hotel is only about 100 yards from where we disembarked the plane, but we had to do this grand circuit for nearly an hour through OR Tambo airport to get there.

Once we checked in we grabbed drinks (Castles all around!) and some food from the bar, where we had  a lovely view of the pool and the Air France a380 parked just across the road. Our view worsened over the next few hours though, as a massive thunderstorm rolled in: pounding rain, whipping wind, hail the size of walnuts, thunder, lightning…if we lived in tornado alley and saw this weather we’d have been running for a storm shelter. As it was we just went upstairs to recharge and re-pack.

Tue Nov 12: Johannesburg to Nxabega

We got up early and departed the Protea, took the shuttle to the airport with a rich couple headed to the Seychelles, and got checked in with no problems. Our luggage requirements were pretty strict so we didn’t have much to check in or carry on. OR Tambo’s international terminal is pretty nice — we had cappuccinos (Nellie’s was rooibos-flavoured) and watched planes before heading to the gate.

Not surprisingly, nearly everyone at said gate also looked as if they were also going on safari — khaki abounded. We boarded a bus, sat on the bus, drove to the plane, sat on the bus some more, and finally boarded the plane. I was afraid this flight would be a step down from our Joburg to Cape Town flight the previous week, but it was a clear step up. Before I knew it we were descending into Maun, Botswana.

Maun’s airport is…tiny, to say the least. Customs was two guys sitting behind clapboard desks in something smaller than my living room. Luggage was dropped immediately behind them. There’s one check-in desk and one security line. Anyway, the &Beyond guys met us there and took our bags. We tried to adjust to the heat (it was about 36 degrees that day, I think), went through security, and met our pilot.

Yes, I said we met our pilot. We, and two other &Beyond guests, were flying 25 minutes in a 6-seater Cessna. So, not only did I meet him, I spent the flight in the co-pilot seat next to him, trying not to turn knobs or push levers with my knees. I also tried not to be nervous, but it was hard when I felt every little gust of wind and saw just how much instrument-fiddling he was doing. Nellie was forced to sit in the back seat along with a giant suitcase (which obstructed half her view) because the other couple chose to ignore the baggage restrictions. The pilot flew low (430 feet, to be exact) so we could see animals, and did we ever: I saw elephants, a giraffe, zebras, and hippos. When we landed I resisted the urge to kiss the ground. We met a few of the staff including a gentleman named KD, who drove us in a jeep to Nxabega tented camp. The staff greeted us with a song, handshakes, and fresh lemonade. We got an orientation and safety briefing, then got to our tent and quickly changed so we could get out on our first game drive.

It turned out KD was our ranger/driver, and our tracker’s name was Fred. We set out for the afternoon on a Toyota Land Cruiser, accompanied by Bjarni and Sandeep, old college classmates who were on vacation together. I’d really managed to keep my expectations low for how many animals, and what kind, we’d see on this trip, but when I saw so much from the co-pilot seat I got excited. And our first game didn’t disappoint. We saw three different kinds of antelope (impalas, red lechwes, tsessebes), a herd of elephants being seemingly led by a warthog, buffalo, a honey badger (which was a really big deal, apparently; KD went nuts driving after it). After some sundowners (We called it a day with some gin & tonic) we did some night driving and had the most exciting find of all: a leopard. We saw her at night so pictures were limited, but she was eating so were able to observe her for a good 10 or 15 minutes, which is rare. We radioed it in for the other trucks but she wandered off when too many spotlights hit her. We counted ourselves very lucky; by all accounts it’s very rare to see a leopard, especially on one’s first day out.

We drove back to the camp for a relaxing dinner, then got walked back to our tent (you can’t go by yourself after dark) so we could clean up, and take advantage of the generator. Sleep was a little tricky given how warm it was but we eventually drifted off.

Wed Nov 13: Nxabega

The rumours are true: malaria medication can cause some crazy-ass dreams.

Our wake-up call was at 5am. We got dressed, walked to the main building for some coffee and bread, then set out for game drive #2. We saw lots of new animals: mongoose (mongeese?mongooses?), monkeys, zebras, african fish eagles, wattled cranes, wildebeest, kudu (another kind antelope), giraffes, a lioness and her two 3-week-old cubs, hippos, and a monitor lizard. We also saw baboons, warthogs, elephants, and buffalo again.

We drove back to camp for some brunch. They put on quite a spread, which the local monkeys seem to know very well since they launched a sophisticated attack against our table to get it. One distracted us while the main force of five or so attacked from behind. After that little bout we chilled for a bit, followed by a nap for Nellie and a dip in the pool and then a nap for moi.

We departed for our evening activity: a boat ride through some of the nearby delta channels. We left a little late, for which Bjarni apologized, and there was this whole 6:00 giraffe thing that would take too long to explain, but trust me it was hilarious. We saw lots of animals on the way, including yet another antelope: the steenbok.

We got to the boat, and the engine acted up right away. Regardless, we gave it a go. Not long into our ride we came face-to-face with a big bull elephant, walking through the channel on his way to some tasty reeds and lily tubers. We backed off and gave him some space; he shook his head at us and kept a wary eye in our direction as we proceeded down the channel. Not long after we saw another elephant crash through the plants on the bank before entering the water right next to us. We made another slick getaway.

Unfortunately the engine kept conking out, so we bailed on the boat ride and returned to the launch point. We decided to do a quick game drive instead, and saw some more elephants, zebras, etc. Funny how after seeing six herds of elephants in 24 hours they were beginning to seem commonplace. After a bit, and a quick attempt at tracking the leopard again, we stopped at a watering hole where hippos lounged, a crocodile crept, catfish jumped, and a kingfisher dove. We had gin & tonics as the sun set and Venus rose.

Dinner back at the camp was served out by the pool. My chicken was okay but Nellie’s lamb was incredible, so I stole quite a lot of it. Then, just after dessert, the staff (including two who were off duty and on vacation) suddenly emerged on the pool deck and began singing to Nellie and I, and handed us a cake wishing us a happy anniversary. Neither of us remembers when we mentioned to the staff the occasion for the trip, but apparently we did. There was far too much cake for us to eat so we shared half with the other guests and half with the staff.

Since it was even warmer (about 32°C as we tried to go to sleep, sans air conditioning) we tried a trick passed on by the sister-in-law: take a cool shower and just let yourself air day. That worked pretty well and we fell asleep. As the night went on the weather cooled and the wind picked up; around 3am I wanted to close one of the blinds to block some of the wind from entering our tent. Nellie had the flashlight so I asked her to turn it on; the second she did we heard a very loud noise just outside our door, kind of like an evil giant laughing. I think I said, “Uh, turn that off. Now.” We were still half-asleep and kind of freaked out. Something big was obviously outside our door but we didn’t know what, so we crawled back into bed and decided to just be okay with being cold. At 4am the generators came on and the light outside our room lit up, prompting the same evil laugh from just below our door. We didn’t sleep too much after that.

Thu Nov 14: Nxabega

The next morning we recounted our story to KD, and he said what we probably heard was a hippo. He checked the plants outside our door and confirmed that a hippo had, in fact, grazed there during the night. I was positively giddy. And it wouldn’t be the last time we heard that sound. In fact, the hippo had taken up daytime residence in the pond just in front of the camp.

After a short game drive (during which we saw baby mongoose, some African wild dogs, and a giant eagle owl) we tried a do-over of the boat ride that morning, and had a lovely time. Tons and tons of birds — egrets, darters, storks, even eagles —  taking flight as we drove past, another elephant encounter, coffee on a tiny delta island, and even a little fishing…it was a nice change of pace. On the way home a young male elephant came up to the truck and acted pretty aggressively, so our tracker Fred jumped in the front and we backed off. We also saw plenty of the usual: antelopes of all kinds, buffalo, baboons, monkeys, zebras, etc.

Our brunch was blessedly monkey-free, and after another swim we were both down for a nap. I never nap during the day at home, but I guess 5am wake-up calls and 39°C temperatures will do that.

That evening we opted for a mekoro ride with two sisters and a family of winemakers from Napa, spotted some reed frogs smaller than a thumbnail, and heard some hippos in a nearby pond doing the evil laugh. On the drive home we heard radio chatter that a hyena had been spotted, so we raced over and found it. It ran right behind the jeep but wasn’t very scared of us; hyenas don’t really have predators. We also saw a reedbuck (another tiny antelope) and an African wild cat, which looked…pretty much like a cat. Given that we’d seen the African wild dog and African wild cat that day, Sandeep commented that he expected to see the African wild mouse the next day.

On the drive home we could see a large set of lights just outside the main camp; KD tried to pass it off as local fishermen but we soon figured out that they were surprising us with a huge ground dinner for the whole camp around a fire, under an enormous old tree. It was a beautiful scene…there’s just so much sky above you there. We had a few drinks back at the bar with our safari companions from the last 3 days and then arrived back at our tent to a huge note on our bed, written in green leaves, wishing us a happy anniversary. Such amazing touches from this camp.

Fri Nov 15: Nxabega to Xaranna

Since this was our foursome’s last day at Nxabega we decided to do a shorter activity: a quick walk near the camp. We started early to avoid the heat (which almost worked) and KD took us around a few KM of ground, showing us plants and tracks and dirt and, yes, droppings more closely than we could see from the jeep. We saw two tsessebes chasing one another, and a warthog ran a tight circle around us, but nothing more…not even the scorpion sighting Nellie was hoping for, though we did see lots of their burrows. We also learned what an ant lion trap looks like; once you learn that you see them everywhere.

We finished packing up, said our goodbyes to the staff (who sang us out of the car park), and drove to the airstrip with KD and Fred one last time. We all piled into another tiny Cessna; Nellie and I got dropped off five minutes away at Pom Pom airstrip (after a crazy turn-landing…bush pilots are nuts) while Bjarni and Sandeep continued on to Maun. Half an hour later we were at Xaranna, and immediately saw two differences: first, the average age here was quite a bit higher than Nxabega. We were the youngest people there by at least twenty years. Second, it was much more luxurious than Nxabega. The rooms were huge and better-equipped and had private plunge pools, so…yeah. We already missed the people at Nxabega but we thought we’d do just fine at our new home.

We had a few hours to relax before heading out on our first game drive, with one other couple (from the south of France). We saw some of the usual animals (antelope, buffalo, elephants, etc.) but our guide Mot and tracker Elicious (for reals) were intent on finding a pride of lions they knew were in the area, made up of 3 females and 10 cubs. After some expert tracking by Elicious I spotted some of the cubs playing on a stump at the edge of a field. We made our way over and watched them play, lounge, and climb without much of a care that we were there. The mothers moved them shortly after we arrived, walking them past the truck close enough that Nellie could have reached out and touched them. We followed them for a bit to take more pictures and get a bead on where they might be headed the next day. The drive home was spent marvelling at what we’d just seen, and we even saw a baby crocodile swim next to the truck as we crossed a river. The new camp was off to a good start.

Sat Nov 16: Xaranna

Once again we were up bright and early for another game drive, this time joined by both the French couple and a couple from Winnipeg (!). Since the latter hadn’t seen the lions yet we decided to track them down again. Along the way we saw lots of the usual — all of which elicited a really excited response from Jurgen from Winnipeg — and a few new ones: baby giraffes, baby warthogs (which might be the cutest things ever), and a family of jackals. We stopped for coffee at a pool frequented by hippos, some of whom were less than enthused to see us.

Eventually we found the lions again, and watched them in a somewhat lazier state than the previous evening. Just as mind-blowing the second time, I can promise you.

After the drive and some brunch we had a few dips in our plunge pool and, despite my best efforts to get caught up on blog-writing, a nap. We barely woke up for the evening event: another mekoro ride. This one was much longer than the one back at Nxabega, partly because it was a much shorter ride to reach the boats. Elicious poled for Nellie and I, keeping us entertained, spotting tiny reed frogs, singing, and making fun of Mot. We entered a pond with catfish (or bubblefish, as they call them) jumping all around but left quickly when we realized an angry hippo was near, then stopped to watch the sunset over glasses of champagne (and G&T, natch) and hear some stories from Mot about the local village culture.

Dinner was served in another ring of torches under huge trees, and ended with a performance from the camp’s choir, who were outstanding. They sang a few songs and danced back toward the kitchen. Returning to our room after dinner we found a bubble bath drawn for Nellie and another happy-anniversary message spelled out in leaves, this time with a small bottle of champagne on ice. It was pretty much the perfect end to our time in Botswana.

Or so we thought. After one last dip to cool off we decided to leave the front curtains open to get the cool breeze, and also so that we could look out at the delta as we fell asleep. Sometime in the night, when it was still dark, I woke up to the sound of…well, it sounded like a hundred people chewing at once. I looked out the screen door at the foot of the bed and saw an unmistakable shape slowly coming toward us: it was a hippo. He was ambling along, eating grass, getting closer and closer to our bedroom. And this time we weren’t on raised stilts like we were back at Nxabega. I woke Nellie and told her to stay quiet. The hippo slowly ate his way up to about ten feet from our doorstep, then turned left and began eating in that direction. And poof, he was gone like a Buddha-shaped ghost in the night. What a send-off.

Sun Nov 17: Xaranna to Johannesburg

We opted out of another boat ride, choosing instead to pack and sleep off some of the champagne. After a quick breakfast we were on our way, sent off once again with song, to Pom Pom airstrip. We climbed aboard another tiny Cessna and flew back to Maun. This was my third outing on such a small plane, and it barely rattled me now when wind blew us 20 feet this way or that. At the Maun airport Kay (an &Beyond employee we’d met at Nxabega) helped us check in and go through security. The tiny lounge filled up fast and smelly, and we had to bear the ignominy of watching a long CNN special about Toronto’s Crack Mayor on the sole TV in the lounge but before long we were boarding our flight back to Joburg. We had a little trouble finding our hotel shuttle, and a few hiccups at the hotel check-in desk, but the day ended with us in a cozy room, fully powered and wifi-enabled, full of hotel bar food.

It was hard to leave Botswana, but we can’t imagine not returning someday.

Mon Nov 18: Johannesburg to London

It felt odd for me to sleep in until almost 8:00, but I don’t think Nellie had any issues sleeping until 9:30. The day was all about killing time, and sleeping in seemed a good way to do it. We eventually grabbed some breakfast, had nice long showers, packed for the last time, and checked out. But first: one last meal (and Castle) at the bar downstairs. We took the shuttle to the airport, and had to wait a bit before checking in as all the BA agents disappeared at once, but were soon through security. Nellie did a little more shopping and got some VAT refund cash and then we settled in at the Shongololo lounge, accessed via our Priority Pass card, which has saved our bacon more than once.

Tue Nov 19: London to Toronto

Our flight to Heathrow was fine, but after watching Man Of Steel I had some trouble sleeping which would come back to haunt me later. We couldn’t access the BA lounge in terminal 5, but it wasn’t a problem: by the time we ate some breakfast (my first time eating Cumberland sausage since…not as good as I remember), found some quiet seats, read our books, did a little shopping, and had an espresso, it was time to head to our gate. Our return flight to Toronto wasn’t on a 787 Dreamliner, but the 777 refurbished with the same seats & big screens did just fine. I watched eight episodes of House Of Cards, ate some very decent plane food, et voila: we were home. We brought back more wine than is technically allowed, but Canadian customs agents are cool so they let it slide. We jumped into a limo, admired Toronto’s skyline on the drive in, dropped our bags, snuggled our cat, drank some coffee, and reflected on what was surely our best vacation ever.

More pictures here.

Photo by Doug Wheller, used under Creative Commons license

What exactly is a nel-drip anyway?

Earlier this week I was in San Francisco to speak at a conference. I don’t write about work on this blog, but I certainly write about what I eat and drink, especially while traveling, so here are the highlights:

After the first day’s meetings the conference organizer hosted a few of us at the Press Club, a bar / event space which was happily quite close to my hotel.  Their wine list is enormous (and the full draft list is very interesting) but there was a limited set of each on offer. Still, the 2010 Donatiello Chardonnay (Russian River Valley) was good, the 2009 Bethel Heights Pinot Noir (Willamette Valley) was very good, and the 2011 Textbook Cabernet Sauvignon (Napa Valley) was okay. Cool space too.

A few times I found myself needing decent coffee, so I visited the Blue Bottle at Mint Plaza. I wasn’t blown away with the coffee itself — just not a fan of that particular bean’s flavour profile, I think. It’s clear they take their coffee pretty seriously though; it looked like a chemistry lab in there. But it was a nice little cafe at which to sit and sip a cappuccino. Oh, and the olive oil shortbread was delicious.

Finally, after the main day’s conference, the organizers again generously took a few of the speakers out for dinner at Trace. I had an excellent pumpkin soup with bacon relish (!) and some slow-roasted berkshire pork loin. I had no hand in the wine selection, but the Fumé Blanc and Pinot Noir our hosts selected worked perfectly. I had no room for dessert, regrettably.

With less than 48 hours between my flights, the vast majority of which was spent in conference rooms, it wasn’t a very adventurous San Fran visit. Tasty, though.

.:.

Photo by Doug Wheller, used under Creative Commons license

Wedding vows and trench foot

There are weekends. There are weekends. And then there’s the wedding celebration we were part of these past few days, for which a pedestrian term like “weekend” is insufficient.

[UPDATE: Kaylea has now posted Jess’ amazing photos in a Facebook album]

FRIDAY

As much as Nellie and I wanted to head up to meet our friends at the cottage on Thursday night we both had to put in full days at the office on Friday. After work we picked up the car (a Hyundai Genesis sedan, somewhat larger than what we usually get, but that would come in handy), then picked up a bunch of meat at the behest of the resident chef, A. We also picked up B, the chef’s girlfriend, who would be our companion for the drive there and back, and an utterly charming one at that.

Leaving the city was a pain in the ass, but the DVP wasn’t nearly as bad as it could be. Were in good shape until we decided to deviate slightly from our normal route, and ended up driving haltingly across Highway 7 in what we quickly realized was a colossal mistake. Then our planned escape route north was temporarily closed, and our attempted end run around the detour went disastrously wrong as we fumbled about the various cul de sacs of Markham and went airborne over the speed bumps therein, which the four live lobsters in the car must surely have enjoyed. We eventually gave up and got back on Highway 7, then herked and jerked behind some slow-ass drivers for far too long, finally reaching the familiar highways which we knew curved north and east toward our friends.

We finally made it to the cottage just after 10pm, by which time the other guests — who were waiting for the food we carried — were ravenous. Chef A tossed the lobsters in the refrigerator’s crisper and began prepping hamburgers. Matt handed me a special cask-aged beer to help erase the memory of the drive, and we slowly melted into cottage life. This particular cottage, though, was humming: it would house more than a dozen people over the weekend. But within a few minutes we were riding its vibe, and lowering the bundle of  work, the city, the traffic, and the misbegotten routes from off our shoulders. We ate, drank, talked, and laughed until morning, then crashed. The organizer had graciously given Nellie and I a room; many slept on couches in the living room, or on futons in the sun room, or just on the kitchen floor.

SATURDAY

After being scared half to death by the afore-mentioned kitchen-floor-sleeper (who abruptly sat up after I’d been unwittingly standing next to her for an hour) I helped eat three pounds of bacon. So my heart was getting a workout.

There were bagels too, I guess, but that right there was the main attraction.

Sufficiently greased, I went with the groom and a friend to run some errands — fetching water, carrying kegs, sampling beer, organizing tables — at the venue, a maple syrup house (my people!) which also hosts events and giant barbecues (again…my people!), then came back to the cottage long enough to run a few more errands, slam some advil and take a nap in an attempt to ditch an oncoming migraine, and get dressed for the wedding.

The short bus ferried us to the venue just in time for the rain to begin. Not real rain, mind you, just the heavy-ass mist that gets you wet but for which you’d feel silly unfurling an umbrella. So, Halifax in the fall, basically. The ceremony was short and pretty, and we could bring our drinks — which seemed a little unusual but was actually brilliant because we could immediately toast them — and then our good, good friends were married. We ate cheese and drank cider and walked the grounds and poured beer while they had pictures taken. Meanwhile, for some reason Nellie and the maid of honor wanted to beat someone up, but I was never sure who and anyway they never quite got around to it.

Dinner was prepared on-site in a series of grills and smokers which looked like a Red Army outpost. I had pulled pork (twice) and brisket (twice) and salmon and too many sides. I ate too much, is what I’m saying, and I was hardly the sole member of that club.

After a few speeches (in which Nellie’s Lannister-ness and my Stark-ness were called out) and butter tarts for dessert, the dancing started. Music was supplied by Jeff Young and the Muskoka Roads Band, who were fantastic. Just…rock and roll. All the way through. They set a lot of people to dancing, especially Kaylea and her bridesmaids and, most importantly, her Dad. Who is a goddamned farmer force of nature, by the way, and with whom I feel I bonded, though I suspect anyone who talks to Ray for more than five minutes feels the same.

As the night continued we met more and more of our friends’ friends — keep in mind, Nellie and I were the only ones there, as best we can tell, who weren’t family, university friends, camp friends, or co-workers…we were former patrons who somehow lucked into this fraternity — whilst drinking Beau’s Nightmarzen and Muskoka Cream Ale and maple Old Fashioneds and other cocktails that Wes cooked up when he ran low on raw materials. Eventually the short bus came back for us, and we all piled back to the cottage. The rest of the night gets fuzzy from there, though I do remember drinking lots of wine with Kaylea’s friend who works for Lifford, and then singing in the boathouse until 5am with the afore-mentioned Jeff Young and another member of his band. Which was, uh, pretty goddamn cool.

SUNDAY

The next morning chef A (and erstwhile sous chef B) saw to the lobsters’ untimely demise, and prepared poached eggs, more bagels, and a hash of the lobster, corned beef, potato, and other deliciousness.

Since the kegs had followed us back from the wedding venue, and we had nothing to do that day — it was too cold even to go swimming — we commenced our assault on their contents and set about doing fuck-all for the morning.

Swimming or no, that wasn’t bad to look at. Kaylea and I took a quick paddle off the dock before I joined the rest of the crew on the lawn, where we did…nothing. Well, that’s not true: we ate some terrific Reuben sandwiches and Nellie had a full-on nap on the grass.

Anyway, this precision exercise in doing nothing continued throughout the afternoon. Ultimately the chef and sous began their next shift, and started prepping steaks. Three wonderful, magical steaks.

Now, without scale I can see how you might mistake — as one of my Facebook friends did — these steaks for lamb chops, with a paring knife sitting on them. No. That is a very large chef’s knife, and those are the tomahawk steaks that the gods themselves eat when they’re on Atkins. We ate these magnificent bastards along with some delicious corn and potato salad, and laughed ourselves stupid (somehow trench foot came up and I thought it was the funniest thing of all time, but for the life of me I can’t remember the context) and drank terrific Canadian wine (Norm Hardie County Pinot Noir, Tawse Cab Franc, Mission Hill Cab Sauv) and ended up waving around the bones like stolen trophies.

After dinner we drank more draft on the deck, then sat around a camp fire smoking cigars and laughing even more. Kaylea found a shroud in which to wrap herself. B pilfered some firewood. Nellie and Jeff tapped the Muskoka keg. If Saturday had been the monumental dawn of a new day, this Sunday was the comfortable, perfect sunset.

MONDAY

Comfortable, that is, until the next morning, which felt like a laser in my eye and a drill in my skull. Chef A cooked breakfast, a mishmash of everything left over from the previous few days. I ate what I could, mostly shoving whole slices of corned beef into my mouth like they were Pringles, since I had to drive home. Nellie, not wanting to be hung over for the drive home, just stayed drunk. Strategic! We gathered our shit and did our hugs goodbye and piled into the car with A + B, and began the drive south. Nellie was in charge of the music, a mistake which became apparent when she played “It’s Tricky” by Run-D.M.C. at a volume not suitable for the sober occupants of the car. We made a very necessary stop at a McDonald’s outside Beaverton, undoubtedly the best McDonald’s ever but which produced a spill situation which caused Nellie to exclaim “Is that blood or ketchup?! IS THAT BLOOD OR KETCHUP?!!?”, and then rocketed home just under the car-return wire. Sadly, there was no rest for the wicked-wedding guests…we walked home, showered, and went right out the door to our first TIFF screening. More on that in a later post.

AND SO

Look, it took us a few days to recover from this. And judging by our friends’ Facebook statuses we weren’t alone. It was without a doubt an epic weekend. What I didn’t mention here was all the cool people we met, or got to know better. Or the family we got to meet. Or the momentous happiness you could feel coming off the whole affair. It was far from the most exotic or impressive locale we’ve visited, but jesus hell was it one of the most memorable, if just for the sheer love and enjoyment running like a current through those four days.

All weddings are eventually labelled as celebrations, but not many live up to the word. This one? This one embodied it. Congratulations, Matt & Kaylea. Thanks for letting us be part of this.

Photo by Kurman Communications Inc., used under Creative Commons license

Chicago for a Little Sumpin’ Sumpin’

Earlier this week I spent a day and a bit in Chicago for work. Happily, whilst there, I was able to eat and drink like a gourmet idiot.

After-work drinks started at South Branch where I had an Allagash White and a Lagunitas Little Sumpin Sumpin. After that we moved on to Haymarket, which was highly regarded on ratebeer, though I figured later it must be for the guest tap and bottle list rather than the beer they make on-site. My Bad MF’er Black Rye I.P.A. wasn’t great, and no one else in our party loved theirs either. I also regret not buying the Geuze Tilquin they had on tap. I haven’t been able to find it since Brussels.

Things picked back up for dinner across the street at Little Goat, though. I loved the diner style, and my food — the “Bull’s Eye” french toast w/ over-easy eggs carved into the middle of the bread, covered in crispy chicken, with sweet onion brioche, and doused in bbq maple syrup — was incredible…even if I couldn’t come close to finishing it. But put together with the Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald porter and Revolution A Little Crazy Belgian pale it was a goddamn memorable meal.

I wasn’t even hungry for breakfast the next morning, but grabbed a fantastic cappuccino from an Intelligentsia near my hotel. After a few more hours in the office I went to the airport where Porter canceled my flight…and let me tell you, Midway is not a great airport at which to kill a lot of time. But I made it out alive, with a plan to return some day when both wallet and waistline are for up for it.

.:.

Photo by Kurman Communications Inc., used under Creative Commons license

Matthew’s Magical Mennonite sausage

After a delicious but cold excursion back in April, our friends Matt & Kaylea invited us back to their cottage last weekend. Things worked out much better this time, weather-wise. To wit:

That’s what greeted us as soon as we arrived. We shook off the ride up, drank a beer on the dock, and watched this happen.

After a fine feed of sausages (including the titular Mennonite sausage) and charcuterie and cheeses and baguette, as well as bottles of Le Clos Jordanne 2009 “Le Grand Clos” Chardonnay and Thirty Bench 2008 “Triangle” Riesling on the deck, we settled around a camp fire, Nellie’s one request for this trip.

The next morning we partook of some bacon and Fahrenheit coffee we’d brought with us. And spent a lot of time down here:

After a couple of swims, Matt started smoking a lamb shoulder using cherry wood, while we shared a few special bottles of Garrison Ol’ Fog Burner barleywine (and a bottle of Blanche des Honnelles). Later, as dinner approached (and following another swim) we drank bottles of Five Rows 2012 Pinot Gris and Hinterland 2012 Ancestral sparkling. All were excellent.

Finally, when the lamb was ready for us, we paired it with bottles of Tawse 2009 “Cherry Ave” Pinot Noir and Malivoire 2010 “Old Vines” Marechal Foch. We had to go for a walk after dinner so that I didn’t fall into a lamb coma.

We also put down bottles of Peninsula Ridge 2007 “Inox Reserve” Chardonnay, Kacaba 2009 Cabernet Sauvignon, and Malivoire 2012 Pinot Gris before the night was through. All tasty, naturally,

The next morning brought more bacon — peameal, this time — and more coffee, followed by one last swim. Then came the long drive back to…ugh, wherever. Not the cottage. Not here:

Alas.

Relaxcation

A few weeks ago I realized I hadn’t taken a single vacation day yet this year. Sure, we’ve had quick weekend getaways, and I’ve travelled for work, but no days off. I’ve not been particularly burned out at work, but still – I knew I needed an escape from Toronto. Luckily, we had a trip to Nova Scotia planned to coincide with my brother’s visit.

SUNDAY

We had an eventful lead-up to the trip – a visit to Eigensinn Farm, a day out and dinner with our friends Matt & Kaylea and several of their friends, and especially Sonny’s death – so we were running around a bit in the days before. But we got away on the Sunday as planned, caffeinated ourselves at the Porter lounge, and soon found ourselves in Halifax. One incredibly efficient rental car pick-up later and we were on our way to the family farm, a beautiful day unfurling on the road ahead of us. We didn’t bother stopping for food; I’d already received a text from my brother telling us that our other brother was smoking a pork loin. Two, in fact. We arrived at the farm in no time at all, and the whole family – parents, brothers, sisters-in-law, nephew, nieces, and dogs – were there to greet us. Now we were home. Now we were on vacation.

The rest of the evening was mostly just a collection of eating and catching up, immediately launching into an onslaught of cribbage, and helping the brother gas a hornet’s nest. It wasn’t long before Nellie and I were asleep in the quiet and pitch black of the farm.

MONDAY

We had no agenda for this portion of the trip – for the whole trip, really – so we went along with the family’s plans. On this particular day the only concrete agenda item was lunch at Wild Caraway, a restaurant about an hour away in the little town of Advocate which has been garnering quite a reputation. We heaved ourselves into a few vehicles and made the twisty drive downshore, taking care to signal at every turn since no one else in Nova Scotia seems to.

Our lunch was very, very good…much better than I expected to find in Advocate, frankly. I had a pulled beef sandwich and a homemade ginger beer. Nellie had lobster bisque, a Caesar salad with scallops, and elderflower lemonade. Others at the table had crispy chicken sandwiches and pan-friend flounder, which was probably caught within sight of the restaurant. Some of us had chocolate cheesecake for dessert, others sticky toffee pudding. We ate well, is what I’m saying. Highly recommended if you find yourself anywhere near Advocate for lord-knows-what-reason.

We did a little more touring that day, stopping in Parrsboro on the drive home, visiting some blueberry fields and the West Brook, and driving up to the old barn on Thunder Hill. But it got pretty stinking hot outside, so I eventually retreated to the brother’s house (where they have air conditioning, mercifully) to rumpus with the dogs therein and play Call of Duty with my nephew. Not much else happened that day, as I recall: just the ferocious consumption of leftovers.

TUESDAY

Tuesday was my birthday, actually. I celebrated by going to my brother’s house and availing myself of some of the Fahrenheit coffee I’d brought him. Then began the preparations for the birthday feast: we drove to Amherst, bought heroic portions of meat (and meat accompaniments), ate lunch at a tragically mood-lit pub called Duncan’s, and drove home ahead of a rainstorm. Someone had arranged for some family photos to be taken, and things seemed to be heading in the direction of a very complicated shoot involving multiple locations, but the rainstorm hit just as the photographer drove into the yard and ended the minute she left. So it was kept to just a few pictures over a few minutes and I prefer to think that the rain was the universe giving me a birthday present.

Once the rain subsided the grilling began. Nellie and my brothers prepared for us a mighty feast: grilled steaks, grilled sausages, grilled chicken breasts, salads, potatoes, homemade bread, even that freaky neon green coleslaw that only seems to exist in the Maritimes. By the time I was finished all I wanted was to lie on the couch and finish watching The Hunt For Red October while my stomach made room for the Pierre Marcolini-chocolate-infused mega-cake my mother had baked. Alas, the nephew and nieces were not interested in my digestive timetable and we had to cut into it right away. It was damn fine cake, but I never did have more than that single piece, and under duress at that.

That night the sky cleared enough that we could see the stars, planes, and even the Milky Way whilst fighting off mosquitoes. So we called that a win, and I called it a pretty good birthday.

WEDNESDAY

I spent my final few hours on the farm driving around various back roads and blueberry fields with my dad and brother, and raiding the last of the maple inventory. Nellie spent hers sleeping in and going for a swim with the nieces.

We said our goodbyes and made our way to Truro (where Nellie’s mom had just moved herself), stopping in Five Islands for some fried clams (which helped us make friends with a hungry local kitty) and tiger ice cream, and stopping again in Economy for some of the That Dutchman’s excellent cheese.

We found the mother-in-law’s new place, picked up some steaks and tasty beers – the local NSLC had Erdinger, Garrison “Nit-Wit” wheat, and the excellent Picaroons Best Bitter – and then along with Nellie’s aunt and uncle baptised her new back yard with a barbecue.

THURSDAY

Luckily Nellie’s mother lives very close to Murphy’s, a Truro institution renowned for their fish and chips. We joined another aunt there, and sucked back some lightly battered seafood. I’m not much of a fish fan, but this was pretty good.

There was some hunting about town for a mythical man who sells fresh seafood out of the back of his pickup truck (seriously), but to no avail; we ended up buying dinner at Sobeys and a Superstore instead. We also made a quick trip to a nearby Future Shop where we picked up some  new toys for me to play with. I spent the afternoon setting those up while Nellie and her mom prepared a seafood banquet: lobsters, scallops, and four shrimp the size of boomerangs. These we ate with a few bottles of wine, including a very tasty Benjamin Bridge Tidal Bay white.

Frankly there wasn’t much else to do that evening except process the food. Recurring theme, that.

FRIDAY

Just before we left Truro we heeded a suggestion from the brother: Jimolly’s Café, also luckily just a few minutes from the mother-in-law’s new home. It seemed to be the epicentre of cool/hipster life in Truro. They did a decent, gigantic cappuccino and a gluten-free “gooey square” which fuelled the rest of my day. We filed the location away for an upcoming visit when we’re in need of caffeine and pastries.

We then drove to the Halifax airport, dropped our rental car, and caught a cab into the city. A word here on Halifax cabs: we stepped up to the first cab in the queue, but the driver was nowhere to be seen. We proceeded to the next cab in line, where the driver explained to us that the first cab’s owner was simply making use of the facilities. He got out of his own cab, walked up to the first cab, popped the trunk, and loaded our luggage into the dude’s cab while we tried to figure out what was happening. The owner of the first cab came running out, yelled “Thanks Lemuel!” to the second cabbie, and away we went. These two drivers did not work for the same company. They’re just good people. Halifax!

Anyway, in no time at all we were downtown, checked into our hotel, and on the prowl for some lunch. We found it at Hart & Thistle, a brewpub on the waterfront we’d visited once before. Unfortunately, as with the first time, we found the food to be a little lacking…by which I mean the chicken breast on my jerk sandwich was the size of a business card, and Nellie’s lobster poutine was like unto soup. But we were there for the beer, which was…also not great, unfortunately. Nellie’s white IPA was fine, I guess, but my Old 87 IPA was just a hop-bomb. 50 IBUs, if I remember right. I got through it, but it tasted like a test, not a beer.

Happily, our beer fortunes would soon turn. After our friend Amanda got off work she took us to Garrison, my favourite local craft brewery, to try some samples and meet the brewmaster Daniel. We drank some nut brown (my favourite), followed by some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (nut brown mixed with raspberry wheat). Then we met Daniel, who poured us a few more interesting samples: the 3 Fields Harvest Ale, the Kellye’s Wild Rye’d-PA, the Black IPA, the Spruce Beer (which tasted like Christmas), and the Ol’ Fogburner barley wine, aged in whisky barrels from Glenora distillery in Cape Breton. I don’t remember much of what we drank next, but by then the short Halifax rain had broken and we retired to the sunny patio. Hunger soon overtook us, and we walked up the hill to the Loose Cannon, a rather rubbish pub where our server dumped a full pint of Garrison on Nellie’s lap and I continued to swap beer stories with Daniel. I might have developed a brewmaster-crush that day. Anyway, both Murphy girls joined us for one more drink down the hill at the Old Triangle before Nellie and I crashed.

SATURDAY

I’d been told Two If By Sea café was a must-hit in Halifax if you care about coffee, which I kind of do now, so I let Nellie sleep in and walked back down to the waterfront. There I purchased a very tasty cappuccino and two croissants the size of footballs. The capp barely survived the long slog back up the famous Halifax incline to the hotel; I needed the energy burst to climb past Argyle.

Once Nellie was up and full of half-a-croissant we got on the go, stumbling down the hill to the waterfront, along which we walked through hordes of buskers and tourists alike to the Seaport farmer’s market. It was jammed, not unlike St. Lawrence Market on a Saturday. Our attempts to procure a dessert for the following day were thwarted, so we went to plan B: back up the hill!

First, though: some lunch. Since we were headed in the direction of Spring Garden and South Park, we stopped in at Rockbottom, a new brewpub. We were barely into our first beer when the brother and two friends – also in Halifax for the weekend – walked in. I guess it was only a matter of time before that happened. We had lunch and beers (none of which impressed me at all) there and did a little shopping, most notably at Susie’s Shortbreads. We also stopped in at Premier Wine & Spirits to pick up a six-pack, and found that the store had maybe the greatest beer selection I’ve ever seen in such a small space. Along with the six-pack we bought bottles of Trou de Diable Shawinigan Handshake, Rogue Farms Good Chit Pilsner, and Brooklyn Sorachi Ace. I grabbed a shot of espresso from Steve-O-Reno’s, and then drank the Sorachi Ace back in the room. It were glorious.

The Murphy girls joined us for dinner at Bistro Le Coq, a new place we’d been hoping to try. Sitting in the dining room was like being back in Paris, and the food was excellent. I had the duck prosciutto and the poulet roti. Nellie had the escargot bourguignon and the scallops. The Murphy girls both had the steak frites with the duck fat fries. There was lots of excellent wine to go with all that, obviously. Two of the ladies had the fantastic crème brûlée, and one had a floating island a la neige – caramelized french meringue with a ribbon of lemon curd and crème anglaise. I revisited our France trip and had Sauternes followed by a coffee.

Phase two of the evening took us to Obladee wine bar, where we tried just about every white by the glass in the joint and some chocolate fudge. Phase 3 had us at Pizza Corner, scarfing down a slide of Sicilian pepperoni. It, too, were glorious. Except for the heartburn later.

SUNDAY

Our hotel – the Prince George – obviously has an English sensibility, but given the name of the new royal baby they’ve amped things up a bit. We wanted a place to meet the brother and his friends for lunch, so we picked Gio, the hotel’s restaurant. We had no idea just how English things would get. To wit: we were greeted by a beefeater. They were giving out hats and fascinators. A queen impersonator walked around greeting the more enthusiastic participants. Some people actually came in their own garish country-club attire. So that part was weird, but the food was pretty spot-on: fried bread with baked beans, lamb korma, smoked salmon, tiny fish & chips wrapped in newspaper, ploughman’s lunch, eggs benny, bacon, blood sausage, even Jaffa cakes. Not worth what we paid, but it was certainly memorable.

We hitched a ride back to the market with the brother, picked up a few treats and a cappuccino for me, and walked back to the hotel through the throngs of tourists. We hopped the ferry over to Dartmouth where a Murphy girl met us and took us to an old friend’s new back yard. We drank beer and played washers (for the first time) and met a baby and played with Venus the cat and ate sausages the size of billy clubs and played hot tub movie star trivia. Eventually we jumped the ferry back to Halifax, admiring the night skyline even as we buttressed our ears against the world’s loudest drunks. Visit #2 to Pizza Corner followed, but this time I learned from my betters and chased the slice with some chocolate milk. Bingo: zero heartburn.

MONDAY

On our last day in Halifax we managed to squeeze in one last visit with our old friend Stanzi and her husband over breakfast at Cora’s before walking back to the hotel, packing, and heading to the airport with the lone remaining member of my brother’s merry posse. Everything was going fine – we grabbed one last beer and even had a random visit with my aunt who happened to get diverted to Halifax on her way to PEI – until a storm delayed our plane’s arrival. Then another storm delayed our departure. Then the flight became excruciating when the world’s worst parents made themselves known and tortured us all the way to Toronto. But the hell with them – not even they could ruin a great vacation. There was too much family and rest and sun and food and drink and fun for that.

Until next time, Nova Scotia.

Tension grows and the whistle blows

I love sports. The classic match-ups. The iconic venues. The unforgettable moments.

I was lucky enough to be back in Boston last weekend for work. In between conference sessions I had a pretty good steak at Davio’s, made a return visit to Stoddard’s to meet a friend, saw the memorial on Boylston Street, and drank a few good pints of craft beer (Allagash White, Samuel Smith Oatmeal Stout, Ommegang Abbey Ale) at the conference’s hotel pub. But mostly I was lucky because I got to experience one of those iconic venues. I got to watch a Red Sox game at Fenway Park, from atop the Green Monster no less.

I ate a ballpark dog and drank a Sam Adams. I leaned out and touched Carlton Fisk’s foul pole. I listened to the crowd sing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” and, much more emphatically, “Sweet Caroline”. I watched David Ortiz crank a 439-footer to straightaway center not a week after his hilariously inspirational speech following the bombings. I watched the Sox beat Houston 7-2 on a blustery April evening and couldn’t think of anything more Bostonian to do.

The next day I flew back to Toronto, just ahead of my parents who flew in from Moncton for a (not quite) two-day stay. We had dinner at Starfish, explored the Distillery District, and sampled some of the breakfast sausage we made last weekend, but the real reason they were here was to see one of those classic match-ups: the Montreal Canadiens vs. the Toronto Maple Leafs on Saturday night. Nellie had somehow lucked into gold seats for the final game of the season, and gave up her seat so that my dad could watch his first NHL game in 49 (!) years and our first together.

Luckily for me, my Canadiens won. I felt bad that my dad had come all the way from Nova Scotia to watch his beloved Leafs lose, but I’m sure he felt the same way I would have had my team lost: just getting to watch such a big game together is now one of those unforgettable moments that sports can sometimes produce.