Category: Dumbassedness

"[A]n appalling stance"

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From today’s Globe and Mail:

Alone among major Western nations, the United States has refused to sign a declaration presented Thursday at the United Nations calling for worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality.

In all, 66 of the UN’s 192 member countries signed the nonbinding declaration — which backers called a historic step to push the General Assembly to deal more forthrightly with any-gay discrimination. More than 70 UN members outlaw homosexuality, and in several of them homosexual acts can be punished by execution.

Another entry on the list of reasons why Americans will eventually regard the past eight years as a shameful period in their history.

Attention Toronto: brace yourself for more army jokes

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I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: this is why the rest of the country makes fun of us.

Now’s the time to call your boss and ask if you can either work from home or just take the day off tomorrow — anything to avoid driving through the storm that Environment Canada predicts is going to drop upwards of 20 centimetres of snow on Toronto and surrounding area.

Fer chrissakes, people. It’s winter. It’s Canada. It’s 8 inches of snow. Montreal doesn’t even send out the snowplows for that much. Hell, no one in Saskatchewan even bothers looking for a shovel if it’s less than a foot.

Find yourselves some (snow)balls.

How to throw a tantrum with ink & paper

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Do you remember watching The Mighty Hercules as a kid? Remember when Daedalus would think that he’d gotten one over on Hercules and he’d be all smarmy and pathetic and mean? And then, inevitably he’d lose and Herc would drag his ass around town and then the meanness was gone and he’d just be smarmy and pathetic?

That’s kinda like what the Toronto Sun is looking like these days. Here’s their front page from yesterday:

Now that’s professional headline writin’!

This is what happens when you let Ashlee Simpson name people

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From the wonderful Malene Arpe at the Toronto Star:

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz welcomed a son yesterday. His name is Bronx Mowgli Wentz, which will assure him a painful childhood full of taunting and school yard beatings. There is as of yet no photos of the little guy (something I’m confident will be rectified by People Magazine in short order), so instead, here are, well, The Bronx and Mowgli.

"You Are In Control — "FULL AUTO ROCK & ROLL"

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According to this AP story, a young boy accidentally killed himself yesterday at a gun show in Massachusetts yesterday.

With an instructor watching, an 8-year-old boy at a gun fair aimed an Uzi at a pumpkin and pulled the trigger as his dad reached for a camera.

It was his first time shooting a fully automatic machine gun, and the recoil of the weapon was too much for him. He lost control and fatally shot himself in the head.

So I have a couple of questions:

  1. What kind of father takes his 8-year-old son to a gun show?
  2. Retard father aside, what idiot hands a loaded Uzi to an 8-year-old?
  3. Why do gun shows even exist?

I feel bad for any father who sees his son die like that, and I know this sounds harsh, but deep down he must know that it’s his fault.

Please be kidding. Please be kidding. Please be kidding.

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From Yahoo: ‘Porno’ proves a five-letter word for movie’s ads.

Some newspaper, TV and outdoor ads for Smith’s comedy “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” have been rejected because of their content or the five-letter word that ends the title, said Gary Faber, head of marketing for the Weinstein Co., which is releasing the film.

Among those refusing to carry ads are about 15 newspapers and several TV stations and cable channels, Faber said. Commercials for the film during Los Angeles Dodgers games on Fox Sports were dropped at the team’s request after some viewers complained, said Dodgers spokesman Josh Rawitch.

It was dumb enough that the MPAA banned these posters. This is just…yeah.

Fear. Unbalanced.

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As most of you have probably heard by now the CBC has removed from their website an article written three weeks ago by Heather Mallick about Sarah Palin, and apologized for posting it in the first place.

I’m unable to link to the article (obviously) but it was…well, rubbish. There are plenty of things about Sarah Palin with which to take issue without resorting to name-calling and cheap slander. Throwing a “white trash” into your argument will pretty much discount it down to worthless. I’m a little surprised at Mallick, who usually puts a little more thought into her arguments. So yes, the CBC should have caught this one somewhere between “submit” and “approve” and told her to write it like a journalist, not like a street preacher.

I’ll tell you what really bugs me about this whole affair. It isn’t that Mallick lowered herself to the screechy level of Ann Coulter. It isn’t even that the CBC deleted the article from the website. It’s that they deleted the article because of criticism from Fox News and, to a lesser degree, the National Post.

If the CBC was pressured by the Canadian public, who pays their bills, fine; that’s who they answer to. They should have taken down the article because it offends the people’s sense of what journalism should be. But how in the hell can pressure from Fox News carry any weight whatsoever? Who cares what they think when it’s so transparent a partisan reaction? Check out this video clip:

Fox News wasn’t protesting the decay of journalistic integrity; indeed it would be rarefied air for them as they let pass streams of invective — far worse than anything Ms. Mallick wrote — from the likes of the afore-mentioned Ann Coulter. Fox was, contrary to any semblance of impartiality, sticking up for the Republican. Had an actual news organization protested, I could understand that having some sway, but why the CBC would pay any heed to Fox News is beyond me.

[tags]heather mallick, cbc, fox news, sarah palin[/tags]

Miniskirts don't show off legs. People wearing miniskirts show off legs.

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Hey, look everybody. Bans!

From the Globe and Mail: [Ontario Premier Dalton] McGuinty calls for outright ban on handguns. The awful part here is the reader comments. The idiocy displayed in the Globe’s comment section, especially for contentious issues like gun control, is really approaching Speak You’re Branes quality. My favourites so far:

Thank the libbies for young offenders,when I was a kid there was the national anthem then the lords prayer,take out the prayer and you have an unconcious society of kids that dont believe they will ever be accountable,,,ya ya I know Im a christian wingnut and the bible is a fantasy,,,,,well snow white,, is a fantasy too and its not condemned in the schools,the best is if you ever read the bible read revelations,it speaks about all this ,not bad for a book that some say was just written by men 2000 years ago,,,,,,,God Bless

and

When I’m in the back woods, I carry my pistol for defence from bears, rabid animals, or anything else.

My god…imagine the fun when this gentleman actually encounters an angry bear in the woods and thinks a handgun is going to stop it. Unless he’s carrying a .50 caliber or he goes for strolls in the Hundred Acre Wood, he’s in trouble.

.:.

From the BBC: Uganda seeking miniskirt ban.

Uganda’s ethics and integrity minister says miniskirts should be banned – because women wearing them distract drivers and cause traffic accidents. Nsaba Buturo told journalists in Kampala that wearing a miniskirt was like to walking naked in the streets.

“What’s wrong with a miniskirt? You can cause an accident because some of our people are weak mentally,” he said.

Mental weakness? Hard to believe when one of your cabinet ministers shows that kind of stunning insight.

[tags]globe and mail, bbc, dalton mcguinty, handgun ban, uganda, miniskirt ban[/tags]

A note on Usain Bolt

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I obviously haven’t had much to comment on the Olympics, though I have been trying to keep up. There’ve been lots of great stories — the little singing girl swap, Michael Phelps, Canada’s late burst of medal-winning, the Cuban guy kicking the referee in the face, and so on — but the one that’s really bothering me is the furor around Usain Bolt.

For those who don’t know, Bolt won the 100m dash, generally regarded as the showcase athletic event at the Olympics, without breaking a sweat. He actually cruised the last 20m or so (since no one was around him) and even pulled up a bit when he started celebrating his win. This caused a wave of indignation from…well, old people. They were angry that he didn’t “run through” the finish line, that he pulled up and started to celebrate (beating his chest, etc.), and that his celebration was a little too exuberant.

I find this patently absurd. Usain Bolt is 21 years old. He had just broken the record in the world’s premier race and become, pretty much officially, the fastest human on the planet. He’s from a country that’s fairly well known for exuberant celebrations. He’d just capped off four years of grueling work by winning in front of tens of thousands of screaming fans. With all this screaming through his mind, in the final 1.2 seconds of that 9.69 second run, you expect him to become austere? Maybe show some emotion by pumping a fist? Ridiculous.

One of my enduring mental images of the Olympics is Donovan Bailey, having just won gold in the 100m in Atlanta, decelerating after the finish line with his arms spread wide, eyes bulging, screaming triumphantly. Was that, too, classless in the eyes of the likes of Bob Costas, one of Bolt’s biggest detractors? Many have taken Costas to task for this, but I think Heather Havrilesky from Salon might have done it best:

He became the fastest man on earth by a long shot, breaking his own record, while every other contender huffed and puffed along several feet behind him. How would anyone dare to claim that he owed it to the fans to run even faster, or that he disrespected them by celebrating a little early? What in the world is Costas, space alien from Planet Honky, talking about? Why should Bolt care about class, of all provincial, bourgeois values? What the hell is class, anyway, but some arbitrary code that soulless, high-capitalist professional robots live by? You know what I like to see in the world’s greatest athletes? Exuberance, and joy, and tears. I’d like to see them rip their clothes off and run around the Bird’s Nest naked.

Side note: the words “Planet Honky” made me laugh out loud.

As much as NBC would like to proclaim Michael Phelps’ 8 gold medals the story of these Olympics, I don’t know how it can’t be Usain Bolt. There are imbalances between the number of events available to swimmers compared to other disciplines, so I think it has to come down to who utterly dominated on the biggest stage, and who became a star in the process. In my mind Usain Bolt owned his competitors, the fans and these Beijing games.

[tags]usain bolt, bob costas, heather havrilesky, beijing olympics[/tags]

The clone wars

Dan DickinsonLeave a comment

Attention Toronto douchebags: you need a new wardrobe.

In the short time it took me to run three miles today, I saw four of you walk by wearing exactly the same thing: camouflage cargo shorts, pastel polo shirt w/ popped collar (this is crucial; the popped collar elevates one beyond the level of plain old wannabe and into the douch-y heavens), flip flops and aviator sunglasses. You also all had the same spiky hair.

While I admire your willingness to beat down any niggling scrap of individuality or free thinking you might’ve once been infected with, you may have taken it too far. I don’t think that even your mother could pick you out in a crowd anymore.

Baaaaaaa.

[tags]douchebag, popped collar[/tags]